This Is Me

Ten At Night (Part Two)

Ten At Night (Part Two)

Continuing to make my way closer, I could clearly see that it was him, and I felt my heart plummet to the ground. Each step I took seemed to carry the weight of the world, but I didn't stop. I couldn't.

After all this time, I still had no idea what to say to Leroy, or how I was going to start the conversation, but as I got to within ten meters of him, it was no longer in my hands.

"Peter?" His voice was sharp in the air, something that I wasn't used to, and I came to an abrupt halt at the sound. "What are you doing here?"

"Uh," was seemingly the only thing I could get out of my mouth as I continued to stare at Leroy, who had begun to cautiously make his way over to me.

"You shouldn't be here," Leroy said, stopping his advance two meters away from me.

"I needed to talk to you."

My voice shook ever so slightly as I spoke, but I was doing well to keep it in check as I did my best to build my confidence.

"Why?" Leroy questioned, darting his eyes around the field and to the ground.

Anywhere but me.

"Take a guess," I said, surprising myself as the words slipped from my mouth.

Although Leroy's eyes never met mine, I kept looking at him. Watching him. As I did, I took notice of his face and under his eyes. It looked as though he had been crying.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Pete."

"The truth would be a start. Or anything." I didn't know where the words were coming from, as I hadn't thought of them before speaking, but I knew I was going to run with it. "You can't just walk away for no reason. Not after everything."

"There is a reason." Leroy's voice came out harsh and lashed through the air as he took a step toward me.

"Then tell me. Let me understand so I can wrap my head around it."

"I..." Leroy started, but his voice faded. The sharpness faded for a moment, but it came back as he spoke again. "This isn't about you."

"Then why does it feel like it is? Why does it feel like ever since I went to your house you've changed?"

"Because you shouldn't have been there!" Leroy yelled, finally looking at me, and I took a step back.

I had seen him get angry before and fight people during sports, but I had never had him yell at me. I had never seen him get angry at me.

"I... I don't understand," I stuttered, trying to recollect myself. "You invited me. You asked me to come over."

"And that was a mistake."

"Why?" I pressed, retaking my step and adding another for good measure, slowly closing the gap between Leroy and me.

"Because I can't—" Leroy started, but cut himself off, hanging his head toward the ground again. "You have it easy, Pete. You know, with your family and everything. I don't get that. I don't get it that easy. And when I think that I can try to have a normal life, things go wrong."

"I don't know what you're trying to say," I said slowly, taking another step forward as Leroy looked up at me and I saw tears in his eyes.

"You're lucky. See, how'd it go with your family?" He asked, a short smile gracing his face, though I could tell it was forced.

"Great," I said quietly, watching him carefully.

"Lucky," he scoffed. "You get to do that. To come out and then keep living. To keep moving on and being you. And, Pete, I-I'm happy for you. I am. But this—" Leroy threw his hands up and gesture around us, "this is all I have. And I don't even have it because I don't even play this fucking game."