This Is Me

Ten At Night (Part One)

Ten At Night (Part One)

Laying on my bed, watching the ceiling, darkness began to envelop my room as I waited, the same thing playing over in my mind as my heart thumped rhythmically to my thoughts.

"Ten at night", I muttered to myself.

Along with those words, I kept playing different scenarios in my head. Various ways things could unfold when I found Leroy at the football field. None of them were ideal. I couldn't even begin to think of the right thing to say.

I wanted to be angry and yell. To tell him how much it had hurt to see him turn his back on me. But was I right to be angry? What if what Andy was saying was right? If there was more to the story than I knew, I could be making things worse by bearing down on Leroy.

Sure, I did have the right to be angry, but was my anger focused on the right place?

There was also the thought of; what if things went well?

Coming home after a few days of dreading what my parents would think of me, I was welcomed back with open arms and hearts. If I had been expecting them to warmly accept me, that was one thing, I wasn't expecting them to go as far as they did.

They had eased my mind in a way I didn't think they would be able to. Pair that with the way Brad had been with me—which was barely any different—and Blaire and her family, and it gave me hope. Maybe whatever was going on with Leroy was just that. Something that was going on with him and had nothing to do with me. I had no idea what happened after I left his place on Friday, but it couldn't have been pleasant. Hell, it wasn't pleasant when I was there.

I had been so caught up in doing what I thought I had to, and worrying about myself, I didn't think of the aftermath of Leroy and his father.

I was surely a horrible person hoping that was the reason Leroy was acting the way he was. Selfish, even. Why would I hope for conflict between my best friend and his only living relative, instead of him not liking the fact I was gay?

That made me a bad person. Or it made everyone involved a bad person.

The thoughts continued to swirl in my head and I couldn't seem to land on anything that made any sense. This was supposed to be a happy moment for me. Being accepted by my parents, making new friends at school, and knowing I still had most of my old ones. But I was stuck on this.

I was stuck on Leroy, and as the minutes continued to push on, I began to dread seeing him face-to-face even more.

Slowly moving my hand to my chest where I had dropped my phone earlier, I tilted the screen up to check the time.

Nine.

Letting a sigh escape my lips, I sat up and swung my legs off the side of my bed. I had made the decision that I wasn't going to drive. I needed the walk to clear my head and hopefully think of what the hell I was going to say.

Even so, leaving at this time meant I would be arriving at least thirty minutes too early, but I couldn't lay around anymore. Laying alone in the dark with my thoughts was getting me nowhere and was making me question things even more. At least if I arrived at the fields early, I could be sad under the stars instead.

Getting up from my bed, I quickly changed out of my school uniform and threw on my blue jeans, a white shirt, and a red hoodie. Slipping on a pair of shoes, I took in another breath and made my way out of the room and down the hall.

The thought of what I would say if someone caught me leaving the house crossed my mind, and I couldn't think of anything I would say. Sadly, I needed to come up with something, for when I got to the bottom of the stairs my parents rounded the corner.