This Is Me

A Big Change (Part Two)

A Big Change (Part Two)

"You forgot your toothbrush," Blaire's voice drifted through my phone as I sat in my car, looking at my house.

It seemed bigger than I remembered. Or I just felt smaller—I wasn't sure. What I was sure of, though, was how terrified I was. It was evident in the shaking of my hands and the churning of my stomach. It was like a damn rollercoaster in there.

I had hoped my moment in the car with Blaire and the dinner with her family would have, at least, made this less daunting.

I was wrong, but I had to try to keep one thing in my mind. This was my home. They wouldn't turn away from me.

"Did you have to ring me and tell me that? Couldn't you have just brought it to school tomorrow?" I asked.

"Well, yeah... but I wanted to say good luck."

"You already did."

"Sorry for wanting to say it again, you dick."

I could tell that Blaire had rolled her eyes at me or titled her head back and silently cursed at the ceiling. They were her signature moves, after all.

"Thank you, Blaire. I really appreciate you," I said with a smile on my face.

Honestly, without Blaire, I have no idea what I would have done.

"You'd better. Now, go and get them. Text me with the details on how it goes."

"I'll talk to you soon," I assured before we both said goodbye and hung up. "All right, Pete. You can do this. Deep breaths."

Not surprisingly, telling myself to take deep breaths did fuck all, and I continued to sit in my car taking quick, sharp breaths, feeling my heart play some dance music on my ribs. If I weren't so nervous about what I was going to do, I probably would have jigged my leg at the beat it was making. Then again, it wouldn't be beating so fast if I wasn't anxious.

It was safe to say, I was slowly going insane, watching the shadows of my family dance within the lights of my house, and I decided it was now or never.

Slowly opening my door and grabbing the bag I had filled with all the stuff I'd taken to Blaire's, along with my school bag, I slipped out of my car. Stepping into the fresh night air, I shivered slightly as it slithered over my skin.

I softly closed the door behind me, trying to make as little noise as possible. I'd rather not have my family peer out into the driveway and watch me awkwardly walk up to the front door, most probably tripping over my feet. Because, honestly, I would forget how to walk correctly with them watching me. Hell, I could barely walk properly without people watching me.

Continuing to try and catch my breath, I began walking toward my house. My home.

I should never have questioned that in the first place. I should never have thought my parents wouldn't accept me. I had spent all my teenage years telling myself that they wouldn't care, but at the moment that it mattered most, I couldn't seem to believe that.

I knew better now.

It didn't take long before I was standing before the front door, my heart rhythmically beating in my chest, causing my stomach to dance around hectically. I wished it had taken another year to walk to the front door, but here I was, and I was more anxious now than I had ever been.

I couldn't hear anything from inside the house. No voices, no music, no television. The only sound that graced my ears was my own shaky breaths and the overwhelming tunes of my blood rushing through me.