This Is Me

The Ball (Part One)

The Ball (Part One)

The rest of the month went by rather quickly, which I didn't hate. I loved being at home again, but every time I was alone with my mum or dad, they wanted to talk about me. Which isn't the worst thing in the world, but it was starting to get weirdly personal. So, I was thrilled that it seemed my time alone with them was limited.

Aside from the questions from my parents, my home life had improved a lot. Even more so than before I was out as gay. I was finding it easier to be myself and to talk about things I never would have spoken about before. For example, how attractive I found Tom Holland. Those things, however, were mainly discussed with Brad, but considering I never used to talk about them, it was a massive improvement.

The poster he had bought me now hung on the back of my bedroom door, which made Brad extremely happy I had hung it up.

"Next time, I will get you porn," he had said, laughing hysterically at how quickly my face flushed red.

To say the least, it was nice to be back—to be home again. Even if my brother was still an asshole.

Outside of my home, however, things were far from where I would like them to be.

The little moments I had been hoping for with Leroy after the fleeting one in the classroom, rarely, if ever, came. Perhaps it was foolish to think there would be some hope that quickly, but sometimes that's all we have.

Leroy deserved it.

Although Blaire didn't know what was going on with Leroy or any of the details, she, Andy, and I agreed it was best if they continued to spend the majority of their time at school with Leroy. After all, he needed them more than I did.

Blaire, of course, was hesitant, wanting to be there for me, and it took a lot of convincing to get her to understand I was all right, all while not saying anything about Leroy's situation.

I felt guilty not telling her and for her being the only one in the dark, but as Andy had said to me, it wasn't my place.

The good thing was, the time that Andy and Blaire spent with Leroy, I got to spend with Cooper and Trent. The only other two people who had come out with me. While they had both become good friends, Cooper and I had gotten extremely close, and damn near inseparable, at school at least.

Over the course of the month, Cooper had slowly become more open with me, talking about coming out to his family, and how his dad had left his mother after she chose Cooper over him.

I didn't know why, but after Cooper told me, I felt guilty. After all the worry I had gone through with wondering if my parents would accept me, to having them welcome me with open arms. Then finding out Cooper hadn't been as lucky didn't feel right. It wasn't fair.

My other concern regarding Cooper was Blaire. The flirting had continued throughout the month—however, it hadn't progressed any further. Both of them still stumbled over their words when speaking to each other and blushed furiously at one another's compliments.

I knew that I had no right to be worrying about Cooper and Blaire's flirting or, perhaps, eventual relationship, but I couldn't help but worry about Cooper. I couldn't decide whether to share my concern with him or not. Was it appropriate? Probably fucking not.

After all, he hadn't begun transitioning yet, apart from a haircut and wardrobe change, and he was open about who he was. So, Blaire should know, and she should know what she was doing.

"Have you cast your vote yet?" Cooper asked, swinging his legs carelessly over the end of the table he was sitting on.

His eyes trailed over me as I sat on the seat that was attached to the table as we both bathed in the early December sun that shone down on us. Trent was nowhere in sight, and I wasn't sure where he was, though I wasn't taking much notice of anything at the moment. Definitely not the countless books I had scattered in front of me that I was meant to be studying.

My finals were next week, and I may have been putting off studying for the simple fact that I hated it. Cooper, however, thought that I should at least try to get some studying in before the final exams I will ever have to take at high school.

I had begrudgingly agreed to try, but my brain was not having a bar of it.

"My what?" I asked, pulling myself out of my thoughts.

"Your vote. For Peer of the Year?" Cooper explained, rolling his eyes at the name the school had given it.

"Oh, no. Not yet," I admitted, looking back down at my books, trying to find where I had gotten to before my thoughts had taken over.

Unfortunately, my mind was now focused on the ball that was taking place the week after the exams. A final farewell to those leaving the school to head off into the world. It was a glorified school dance. One which I didn't intend to go to.

"They really need to come up with a better name," I muttered, giving up on attempting to study and closing all my books before shoving them back into my bag.

"Yeah. It is fitting, though. Peers choosing which peer is the best peer."

"Which is a very flawed system."

Cooper shrugged. "At least we get a dance out of it."

"And fireworks," I added, and I kind of wished I was joking. "Have you asked anyone out yet?" I asked, shifting my position on the chair to get a better look at Cooper, who was still swinging his legs.

"I mean, there's no one I really like, I guess." Cooper sighed, scratching his head in a frustrated way. "It's kind of hard when you're trans."

"You know... you could always ask Blaire," I suggested, speaking slowly and looking away from Cooper.

"Oh, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. Can't do that," Cooper said quickly, running his words together and I looked back at him to see him shaking his head.

"What? Why not?"

"She's your best friend, and I don't know. It'd be weird!"

"You seem to like each other, though. I wouldn't think it's weird."

"I guess. Maybe I could ask her. Maybe."

"Does... she know?" I asked stupidly, unable to stop myself.

Of course she fucking knew.

Okay, yes, it was a concern of mine that Blaire would think of Cooper differently if she knew he was transgender, and I also knew that it wasn't my place. So, why did I ask? Because I'm a fucking idiot.

"Look, Pete, thanks for the suggestion and, uh, blessing, but you don't need to worry about that. I can take care of myself," Cooper stated bluntly, looking away from me, and I felt my face drop.

"I'm sorry. I know it-it isn't my place," I muttered, staring at the table where my books used to be and fiddling with my hands in my lap.

"It isn't. And I'm capable of handling it."