This Is Me

An Awkward Gay Mess (Part One)

An Awkward Gay Mess (Part One)

"Pete, Pete, Lemonade, 'round the corner... Cooper is here!" Cooper's voice slid into my ear as I leaned up against the wall outside of the school.

I had been waiting there for a while, out of the way of the other students, watching them walk down into the parking lot, and others heading in the other direction to the buses.

I wouldn't usually wait around here after school, but I had a few reasons for doing so today. The main one was to avoid Leroy. I knew that he would be heading into the parking lot with Andy—however, I didn't know when, and I wasn't about to make myself deal with the awkwardness and even hostility between us. Not until we were in a more secluded place. Besides, I'd already had to push through that during math class.

You would think it would be easy to ignore someone who you're trying to avoid when they're sitting on the other side of a classroom. But, for some reason, I always found my attention drifting to him. My eyes lingered on him for countless minutes at a time as I wondered what was going through his head, and what was making him act this way toward me.

There were times he would look toward me as I was staring, and I would have to quickly look away. Other times, I would glance over at him to see him already looking at me. This made what was usually a fifty-minute class turn into an eternity as the endless churn in my stomach and my heart fuelled my emotions.

The emotions that I couldn't get a hold of, or even a read on. One moment I was angry at Leroy. Silently cursing him and wanting nothing to do with him. Then, the next, I was pitying him. Sad for what was happening in his home, and to him. Making up excuses for the way he was acting.

Yes, maybe he did have good excuses. Perhaps what was happening with his father was more than what I had seen. But was that enough to forgive him for turning away from me? For not saying anything or giving me a reason?

To everyone else, it might not seem like anything. To the rest of the school, it might seem like I was overreacting. But Leroy was my best friend. If there was anyone who I thought would stay by my side, it would have been him. Forget everything that happened. My feelings for him and the kiss that had almost happened that he didn't even know about.

After everything we had been through together—the late-night gaming and all-nighters we'd pulled. To the dangerous stunts we did together after school, along with Andy and Blaire. I thought he would be by my side no matter what. No matter who I was.

I wanted to be angry. I had the right to be angry. I was. But I could never stay that way because it was Leroy. It was the boy whose eyes sparkled when he smiled, and the one who bit his lip after saying a joke.

All I could do was keep telling myself, ten at night. Tonight.

To make things worse, that was only one of the reasons I was waiting in a little hiding spot. The others involved Mitchell and his gang of five that I had spotted throughout the day, all hanging around together, glaring in my direction. I had no doubt Cooper and Trent had been getting the same treatment, so hearing Cooper's cheerful voice sent a wave of relief through me.

He was okay.

"Trent's also here," Trent said, and I turned to Cooper walking over to me, and Trent peering around from behind him.

Both of them looked happy and unharmed.

Maybe I was giving Mitchell and his gang too much credit. Did they have the guts to attack any one of us? Everyone else in the school seemed to support us, so it would be social suicide to try anything.

Then again, if Donny hadn't been with me when Mitchell was around before...

"You look a little sick. Are you okay, Pete?" Cooper asked, and I waved his question off as he came to a stop in front of me. Trent at his side.