You don't even want me

23.

[Camille]

I slowly brought the spoon to my mouth, eating the cereals while staring in front of me with an absent look on my face, still processing everything that'd happened last night.

James tried to kiss me. That thought made warm feelings rush through my belly, but I shook my head and tried to push them away. He didn't try to kiss me because he liked me, it was because he was drunk and just wanted to kiss someone.

That was how it worked, right? I'd never been drunk before so I didn't know how it worked, nor if he even remembered it. Or maybe he wasn't that drunk at all, he was still pretty capable of walking and talking normally so that option was still open as well. But even though he hadn't kissed me on the lips, he had kissed both my cheeks, and that was more than enough to make my world spin. His soft lips had touched my skin voluntarily, and I always felt my cheeks turn red at that memory.

But I'd turned my head away before he could kiss me on the lips, and his lips had touched my cheek again instead of his actual goal.

I felt a lot of feelings and thoughts rush through my mind. A part of me said it was wrong to turn my head as we could've kissed, but another said that what I did was right, because he would probably not even remember our kiss.

A third part told me that even if he wasn't too drunk and actually wanted to kiss me, we'd never work out together. He had his world with parties and lots of girls, and I had mine, with reading books and drawing flowers, listening to Dire Straits. But yet another part reminded me that opposites attract, and me and James would be fine together.

It was too much for my head and I needed time to think, so I'd intentionally not looked at my phone in case he'd sent me messages, because I knew I would have to answer.

Suddenly, my sister joined me at the kitchen table and snapped me out of my thoughts. She stared at me with an enthousiastic and curious look on her face, but she didn't say anything and just looked at me. After a few seconds of silence I raised my eyebrows expectantly. "What?" I asked her when I realised she wasn't going to speak.

"How was the party?" she asked with a bright smile, and I rolled my eyes. "I don't know yet" I answered honestly, as I didn't know how to feel about the events of last night.

Chloe frowned. "What do you mean, 'you don't know yet'?" She suddenly seemed to realise something and her face lightened up before she gasped, making me wonder what she was thinking.

"Did you drink so much that you don't remember it?" she asked, and I widened my eyes. "No, I..." I tried to explain, but I couldn't find the words to prove her completely wrong, so she thought she was right. "It's okay, it's okay... That's a part of being a teenager and going to parties, you know" she stated sarcastically, obviously judging the fact that I normally didn't go to parties.

I groaned frustrated and got up from the table, making my way to the stairs to leave the discussion and go to my room. Chloe got up as well and followed me, eager to keep our little conversation going.

"Yeah, you just got to take the hangover with it" she kept going, and I frowned, being halfway up the stairs. "I don't have a hangover" I told her, firmly pronouncing it so I was sure she understood. "Yeah, that's what they all say..." she mumbled to herself, but I'd heard.

"Chloe!" I shouted annoyed, slamming the door of my room closed.

I burried my head in my hands in the middle of my room, going through my hair with my fingers, not knowing what to do about everything. I looked up, straight at my flowers. I sighed, my gaze stopping at the graceful shapes of leaves in purple-bluish shades. I'd painted the lathyrus in those colours because they were like that in my book, but when I'd searched the flower online I only got dark pink ones, and I'd felt quite scammed.