You don't even want me

43.

[Camille]

"I don't like him" the voice of my father filled my ears, causing something to break in my heart.

His usually warm, gentle grey eyes now held an angry look, like I'd just done the worst thing I possibly could've done. I'd never seen him like that before, and it scared me.

"Yeah, he's... He's responsible" he continued, pointing at James with a rough move; the boy standing next to me shifted his feet uncomfortably and I stared at my father with tears in my eyes, but a mad frown on my face.

"It's his fault" my Dad then said and I couldn't hold back a sob, I almost jumped up when I felt James's hand touch mine. I looked to the side and saw he was looking at me with a weak smile.

"It's all his fault!"

Two headlights coming out of nowhere blinded me and I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt James's touch slip from me.

A loud bang filled my ears and everything went black in front of my eyes; I suddenly couldn't feel my body anymore, except for sharp pains coming from the right side of my torso and arm.

"Only the weak get caught in the past."

I woke up with a jolt, loudly gasping for breath. Sharp pains came from my right ribs and I placed my hand on it while my chest rose and fell quickly; much too quick to be normal.

I squeezed my eyes shut as my breathing made a slightly squeaking sound; I automatically pressed my head deeper into the pillow. I swallowed loudly and squeezed my eyes harder while my right hand formed a fist, gripping the duvet tightly.

I tried to think of something else, and about 30 seconds later, my breathing was stabilised again and my chest moved up and down at a normal pace.

I sighed, finally opening my eyes again and I stared at the ceiling in the darkness of the room, trying not to burst out in tears, failing when I started thinking about everything, like I always did.

I never liked the nightmares, as no one would, but now I really hated them. I hated them for the fact that they involved James into all of this, when he had absolutely nothing to do with it. I wanted them to stick to me and my father, because that was tolerable; I still wouldn't like them, though, but it would be slightly better.

They wouldn't get to me like they got to me now, because seeing my father yell at James that he's responsible when I didn't even know him back then, was just messed up. It was all messed up.

I sat up in my bed and took a deep breath after whiping all the tears from my cheeks.

I stared straight ahead of me without seeing something, and I simply enjoyed the silence for a few seconds.

But I was abruptly interrupted when my alarm clock suddenly started beeping loudly and I almost jumped up, then groaning frustratedly when I realised I had to get up.

It felt weird to get out of bed after a nightmare, I usually woke up in the middle of the night and just laid down again, trying to fall asleep but now I couldn't, and after turning off my alarm clock, I stumbled blindly through the room to my light switch.

I got ready for school in less than 20 minutes, and soon, I was biking next to James in the cold morning.

"Goodmorning, Millie" he'd greeted me and I'd smiled back, a little forced as I was still thinking of the dream I'd had.

"Did you sleep okay?" he asked me a bit concerned, and I nodded. "Yeah, thanks" I lied. I didn't want him to worry about me, I was sure he had plenty of things to think about himself. And besides, I wouldn't want him to think of me as someone who was too weak to handle with her own problems, as they were still mine, and only mine.