You don't even want me

45.

[Camille]

I slowly opened my eyes, a slight pain coming from my forehead. I tried to sit up in my bed and groaned softly in the process, regretting being so stubborn that I wanted to play along, and drink just like everyone else.

I ignored the headache and just got out of bed after checking my alarm clock, reading that it was already 8:49 AM.

I turned on the lights and squeezed my eyes shut at the brightness, opening them again after a few seconds, deciding to go downstairs and drink a glass of water in an attempt to get rid of the headache.

I entered the kitchen and noticed my mother's shoes were already gone, meaning that she'd headed off to work.

At that time, Chloe was still in bed, knowing her, so I could have breakfast alone and at ease.

I filled a glass with water under the tap and sat down at the round table, making an attempt to remember all the events of last night.

After trying for about 5 minutes, I realised with a sigh that playing Beer Pong and having to drink a lot were one of the last things I could remember.

I took a big gulp out of the glass and swallowed it all in one time, frowning when I put the glass back on the table. It was weird not to be able to think about the events from last night, it was all just blank. I wasn't used to it and it was just strange to me.

I wondered if James was sober enough to know what happened, but then I shrugged as I didn't really mind that I didn't know, because what could happen at a party?

Giving that thought a second one, I started to realise that a lot of things could happen at a party.

I didn't even want to know what I could've done or said, suddenly feeling embarassed and stupid for drinking; I wanted to know what happened. I could've said something awkward. Or mean. Or maybe the complete opposite, I had absolutely no idea.

Maybe I'd said something about my father.

Since the moment I'd told James about him, I'd felt bad that I hadn't told him everything. I'd only mentioned that I lost my father, not that I was in a car crash with him, that I caused, and that the guilt was killing me from the inside, very slowly.

Maybe he felt betrayed or hurt when he found out I'd left some things unsaid, and maybe he was mad at me.

I frowned and shook my head, telling myself that I was overthinking it. We'd just been to a party and had lots of fun.

I got up from the table and went back upstairs, getting dressed to go outside, not even realising I hadn't had breakfast; which was the main reason to go downstairs in the first place.

I brushed my hair and started to tie it in a ponytail, sighing when I realised that the hickey was still there.

All my curls reached my shoulder and I put on a warm, soft, cream coloured sweater and my blue jeans, taking some black socks from my closet, putting them on after sitting down in the chair behind my desk, which was usually full of clothes.

I got up and walked out of my room, softly knocking on my sister's door. I opened it a little and stared into the dark room, whispering her name, gaining a confused hum.

"I'm going out for a while, okay?" I mumbled, receiving a barely hearable 'Okay'.

I closed the door again and chuckled, realising that she hadn't teased me with a comment about 'having fun with James', shaking my head with a smile when I knew it was just because she was too tired to think of one.

I went downstairs and put on my shoes and jacket, grabbing a scarf from the hanger as well.

I wrapped it around my neck and quickly got all of my hair out of it. I opened the back door and immediately felt all the cold air get to me, freezing me to the bone; it was getting colder as it was getting closer to the winter.