You don't even want me

51.

[James]

I stared at my ceiling, or at least where my ceiling would be if the lights would be on and I could see it, and sighed.

I should've told her I loved her.

The nights she stayed here, I'd had multiple chances to say it, but the closest I'd gotten was 'I l-', and then I'd freaked out, fearing she would think it was too soon, or something else. I sighed and brought my hand to my forehead, biting my lip while slightly shaking my head.

"You sissy" I whispered to myself annoyed.

My thoughts went back to Wednesday morning, the morning that Millie would stay with us for the first time. My mother had totally freaked out about that and had asked me what her favourite food was so she could make it.

While I'd been eating my breakfast cereals, I'd raised my eyebrows at the sight of her pacing nervously through the room.

"Mum, it'll be fine" I'd told her, and she'd calmed down a little bit. Leaning her hand on the counter, she'd slightly gasped for breath as she'd remembered something she'd been wanting to say to me.

"Oh, that's right, James, I've bought some condoms and I put them in the drawer of your bedside table" she'd shared with me in a rather random way, almost making me drop the spoon I'd been bringing to my mouth and choking in the cereals, feeling my whole face turn burning red.

"I don't need to know what you guys do, but I want you to do it safely."

I chuckled at the memory and turned my head to the side, where I'd see my bedside table if the lights would've been on. Lucky for me, Millie hadn't opened the drawer; who knows what she would've thought.

I pulled the covers up a little more when I felt a shiver run down my spine. It was much colder without her warm body next to mine, with my arms and leg wrapped around her.

I couldn't sleep. The bed suddenly felt too large for one person, I felt lonely and all I could do was think about her.

I started thinking about all the time we'd spent together and the things we'd done, but my thoughts quickly trailed off to the night before. Having her body under mine made me feel kind of powerful and dominant, and I closed my eyes while continuing to remember.

Kissing her neck and hearing her gasping for breath in pleasure because of my touch just made me feel really good, and I softly bit my lip while still hearing her accelerated breathing so close to me.

I quickly opened my eyes again and decided to think about something else, suddenly wondering what she would be doing right now.

I turned my head to look at my alarm clock and rolled my eyes at myself, mumbling that it was obvious that she was sleeping at 2:34 AM. I knew that was what I should be doing too, but I couldn't help but feel like her body was missing from my bed.

I laid myself down on my back and started to focus on the noise of the storm outside, the sound of the rain hitting my window actually calming me down.

I almost cried out surprised when the screen of my phone suddenly lit up and it started ringing, Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns N' Roses playing as my ringtone. I frowned, wondering who'd call me at almost 3 in the morning.

I reached out for it and quickly answered it so it'd stop making so much noise, my frown only growing bigger when I saw Millie's name appear on the screen.

"Hello?" I said in between a whisper and my normal voice, and it broke slightly.

I could hear her breathing heavily, but it was nothing like last night. Quite the opposite, actually, and I frowned, worry slowly starting to grow in my stomach. "Millie, what's wrong?"