Slave to the Scale

Chapter 42

129 lbs

Jin slid his food around on his plate. The number was slowly sliding up. He felt his life falling apart. He was trying to get past his old habits, but nobody had told him it was going to be so hard.

He kept the lights off when he showered. Looking at the mirror seemed to worsen things. When he sat on a chair, he always kept his legs propped up so his thighs would look smaller. The only thing that Jin couldn't stop was checking his weight.

He started to go to Hyungwon's therapy sessions again. He also started to go to the studio again. The vocal coaches gave him new songs to work on.

Jungkook was strangely protective of him, always hovering over him, making sure he was alright, hugging him... It was a bit strange for Jin. He wanted to complain. He didn't need the others to act like that. But he didn't say anything.

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131 lbs

Jin pursed his lips. The journal's pages were so clean and pristine. Jin hated writing in brand new notebooks. His handwriting was never neat enough.

Hyungwon had given it to him.

"Write down your feelings and triggers in it every day," he had said.

Now, glancing at the clock, Jin noted that the time was 11:19 pm. Yoongi was bustling around at his side of the room. Namjoon was laying on Jin's bed, reading a book.

Sighing, Jin picked up his pencils.

August 26th

Today was pretty good. I ate all my meals. Everything is okay.

He couldn't think of anything to write, unless he was brutally honest. Ah well, he should just write it out.

Eating breakfast was really hard for me. I really wasn't hungry, but I felt like I had to eat. Otherwise the others would think that I was up to something. I checked my weight. I feel like I shouldn't let myself gain so much. I try to not look at myself.

Jin decided not to put in how he had scarfed lunch and dinner down. He bit his lip. Thinking about it brought him a twinge of shame.

I went to the studio today. My voice keeps cracking a lot. I was off-key. Doesn't happen to the others.

"Maybe because they have more practice," Jin mumbled. Namjoon glanced up at him for a moment.

Jin payed him no attention and kept writing.

I think that I'm doing well though :)

The happy face made him smile too.

He put the pen down and leaned back in his chair. He thought back to lunch and dinner. Jin knew that he had had too much. He felt like he was always eating too much nowadays.

He could try to cut down on his eating again, but that would probably lead him down again. Despite everyone telling him that he was beautiful, he couldn't appreciate himself.

He was still trapped and miserable.

He decided to write it down. Maybe Hyungwon could help him with that.

I feel like I'm trapped. I feel like I won't be happy if I lose weight, but I can't do that. I can't appreciate myself.

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"Do you want to elaborate on these sentences that you wrote?" Hyungwon asked.

Jin sucked in a breath. He knew that this was going to be asked.