Slave to the Scale

Chapter 10

Jin relished the feeling of being in control. Every single day, he woke up early, went to the studio and worked out. His dance was improving. He was improving.

If this was only the beginning, then how perfect would Jin be when he finally became skinny?

He could hardly wait to become thin.

The scale was like a calendar for him. Each time his weight dropped, even by a pound, he would get so happy. His day improved.

The workouts were certainly helping. Jin felt stronger these days. He stuck to his rigid limit of 1500 calories per day, surprising since he was usually such a big eater. But now he had discipline.

Yoongi wasn't too happy about the whole thing. Jin could tell by the way the rapper looked at him that he wasn't happy with the way Jin ate and practiced these days. Why should Jin care? He wasn't living his life just to make Yoongi happy.

He was living his life to make himself happy. That's what mattered.

Jin had learned what real happiness was: it was the times when he finished a long workout and burned lots of calories. It was the times when he looked in the mirror and was happy with himself.
Happiness was when he saw that he had finished all of his workouts that he had to do.

That was happiness. To know that he had control of his life. To know that even though his lines would never be enough to show off his vocals, he still had something to show off his skills - his weight.

Everybody will like you, Jin convinced himself. Keep going. Don't give up. This is for a new and better you.

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"Hyung, aren't you going to eat supper?"

Jimin's cheerfulness was evident from the way his voice bounced as he talked. There was a big smile on the mochi's face. He had finally managed to beat Tae in some video game, something that he had worked very hard for.

There was so much happiness in the household, Jin over his control and Jimin over his achievements.

"Hyung?"

"Yeah?"

Jimin took a seat beside Jin on the couch. The bright green cushion lay between them. The mochi's crescent-shaped eyes filled with concern as he glanced over at the eldest.

"Is something bothering you these days, hyung? You seem so tired and worn-out all the time." his voice was soft. He placed a small hand on Jin's shoulder.

Jin shook his head. "Nothing's wrong. I'm just... you know, practicing a lot more these days."

"Why?"

"Don't you want me to improve?" Jin's voice was sharp. He didn't want to snap at Jimin, the mochi was only trying to help, but he couldn't help it. Why didn't the other members want him to improve? Did they want him to always lag behind them in terms of skills and talent? Was that what he was to them?

Jimin sighed. "No, it's not that. It's just-just you've changed. Tae was telling me today that you never play video games with him anymore and Jungkook was whining about how you don't tease him the same. I was just asking if everything is alright."

"Everything's fine."

"You sure?" Jimin didn't wait for an answer and continued talking. "You're practicing harder, working out more, monitering your food... hyung, you know that you can talk to me, right?"

The colour must have drained out of Jin's face because he found himself to be the subject of Jimin's staring. The words got stuck in the eldest's mouth. He didn't know what to say.

At the back of his mind, there was a sensible voice telling him to stop, just tell Jimin everything, so he could be himself again. He wanted to break free from the rigid schedule he made for himself. A break was what he needed.

But this schedule was what he needed. He had no control over the amount of lines he would get, but he had control over his weight and how he looked. He was the visual of the group. He got in for his looks, and he would be recognized for his looks. Telling Jimin would only result in him losing the control and pretty soon, he would be floundering in a sea of self-doubt again.

"Yeah, I know. Nothing's wrong with me, don't worry." Jin swallowed hard, hoping Jimin didn't hear the obvious lie in his tone.

All he got was a hug in return. The mochi launched his body into his arms and soon they were tangled up on the couch, a giggling mess.

Jimin's original question about the supper had gone unanswered. Jin had distracted him well.

Now he just had to pretend that everything was normal. He would put on his biggest smile and work.

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It was quite a sudden thought, but a pleasant sounding one.

Jin had learned that eating less calories and burning more meant weight loss, so why couldn't he eat a little less?

It would only be for a few days. He was just testing to see if his body could handle it.

He decided to skip breakfast.

It was actually quite easy. He was usually the first one up anyway, and he could tell the others that he had eaten while he cooked breakfast for the others.

Skipping meals gave him a funny feeling, this empty feeling that he enjoyed. It hurt, the feeling seemed to eat him alive, but it was the most satisfying feeling he had ever felt. He was succeeding.
It wasn't as painful as making himself throw up. That pain Jin couldn't handle. He had a low pain tolerance.

If I do it like this, I'll lose weight faster. I'll be happier faster, Jin chanted in his head.

He was doing what brought him happiness.

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"Had breakfast already?" Hoseok said with a massive grin on his face. The sunshine was happier than ever these days.

So much happiness in the house...

Jin nodded.

Jimin shook his head while Yoongi sighed. The others looked confused for a second, before Jungkook opened his mouth.

"Why doesn't Jin hyung ever have breakfast with us anymore?" the maknae asked. His doe eyes held sadness in them.

Yoongi cleared his throat. "Hyung, do you even have breakfast these days? I can't seem to figure out what the hell you eat so early in the morning. Why don't I-" he glanced around at the other members- "do you a favour and make breakfast for all of you tomorrow?"

"No!" Jin cried. Immediately his heart started beating faster when Yoongi raised his eyebrow. He was caught. He was screwed. His plan had only been to do it for a few days, he didn't have an eating disorder, or whatever shit Yoongi always talked about.

"It seems like you really enjoy cooking..." the rapper hummed. He took another bite of his food before handing over his plate to Jin. "Here, eat. You look like you're going to faint right off your chair."

"That's not true!"

"I know you don't eat! I'm not that stupid! I've watched you! The only thing you do is mutter to yourself, do a bunch of pushups and cook breakfast!" Yoongi screamed.

A chorus of gasps came from the other boys.

"Hyung, I told you-" Jimin had the most frightened look that Namjoon had ever seen on his face. 

"Hyung, please. You have to eat. Come on." Yoongi practically went down on his knees.

"Please."

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Late-

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