[Completed]
"It started out not too badly. I thought that I could be a bit more confident if I lost a few pounds, but that soon spiralled out of control. I forgot who I was and what I liked to do. I didn't have any energy to pursue anything that I...
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warning: throwing up
He couldn't stop himself from talking to her once he started. He told her everything about what had been going on in his life, only pausing once in a while to hear what she was saying. Jin felt a lot more relieved when he heard kind words from the other end of the phone. Clearly, his mom and his family still cared about him. Right?
But as time went on and he slowly began to run out of things to say, he noticed that though his mom was saying nice things to him ("oh honey, I'm so proud of you", "you deserve to get better", "I'm so sorry the hospital staff did that to you" or "what was that guy's name again? Jonghyun?") that made him feel like she was interested in his life, her voice was tight and clipped. When Jin awkwardly remembered to ask how she was doing and what she thought about him recovering, he got his answer. She didn't want to talk to him. She was only calling him to ask him and his bandmates to stop calling. She didn't want to hear about how Jin was in a psychiatric ward. To her, it was an embarrassment to the family. It certainly didn't help that Jin happened to be a celebrity. There were rumours swirling around about what had actually happened to Kim Seokjin.
She didn't want to talk to him.
Jin was going to ask why and what exactly he did wrong, but she had hung up before he could digest the words that were previously thrown at him. He was an embarrassment to his family. Probably to his members and his fans too. He had screwed up everything.
His mom didn't want to talk to him. His brother had stopped answering his texts. His dad never picked up his calls or mentioned him. The members hated him. So did the fans.
Jin sat in silence in the room after the call was over. Jungkook was probably going to come in about half an hour later to talk about the mall visit. Jin slowly got to his feet, shut the door and locked it. The others would hopefully think that he was sleeping. He knew that he wasn't allowed to lock the door but he really didn't feel like talking to anybody right now.
The hollow feeling was back. The wind had been knocked out of him. All his engine power had cut out and he was running on emergency battery power.
He felt an urge to go make himself throw up the meal that he had just had. So he did that. Jin went to the attached bathroom and shoved his fingers down his throat. It took a while for him to do it maybe because his gag reflex had stopped working properly, but eventually it did work. His throat burned as he threw up. Jin knew he shouldn't be doing this. The others would hear. But he told himself that there was no use in worrying about that.
"Seokjin hyung? Are you okay?"
He ducked away from the toilet when he heard Taehyung's voice. Jin laid down on the bathroom floor in front of the sink. The all-too-familiar pain started churning through him. His skin felt sticky and wet. He was such an idiot.
Taehyung opened the door, crinkling his nose when he came in. He crouched beside Jin and rubbed his back.
