[Completed]
"It started out not too badly. I thought that I could be a bit more confident if I lost a few pounds, but that soon spiralled out of control. I forgot who I was and what I liked to do. I didn't have any energy to pursue anything that I...
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It wasn't that Jin suddenly hated food, no it was quite the opposite. He wanted to eat, he wanted to enjoy food just like the others did. But he just couldn't. Every time he looked in the mirror, he couldn't help but feel disgusted; every time he weighed himself, he felt like crying. It wasn't a rational way of thinking and he knew that. But he couldn't just love himself, or just eat, as people said. No, it was much harder and much more complicated than others thought.
The others knew. Jin ought to be more careful from now on. His skin tingled whenever he thought about the look on Hoseok's face when the dancer had yelled at him. He felt guilty for making the others worry. The others were working hard making music and he was just being a burden. It wasn't like he thought he was always talentless - quite surprising, actually. His personality had changed into this weird mindset where he believed he was better than everyone else, but as soon as he tried to do something, he would miserably fail. Then his self-esteem would fall.
Jin thought his voice had certainly improved since they had debuted, and he felt quite proud of it at times. But just listening to the other singers sing made him get insecure; maybe he wasn't good at all. Maybe his brain was telling him that to make him feel better.
It was fun being a perfectionist. So fun.
He didn't deserve the others. He didn't deserve the fame that he had. He didn't deserve all the fans who chanted his name during concerts. They didn't know anything. They didn't know his struggles, how pathetic he was.
And Jin knew. He knew the problem he had wasn't with food itself, but the emotional attachments he had with it. The real problem wasn't with the way his body looked but rather his insecurities with the way he looked. He was unsatisfied and frustrated.
But the others had caught wind of what he was doing. And now the real battle would begin.
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"Yoongi hyung is cooking for us?" Jungkook remarked loudly. He snorted. "I thought you preferred sleeping."
The maknae peeked inside the kitchen, a fond smile appearing on his face when he saw Yoongi at the counter. His messy bed hair fell into his eyes. He pranced in to stand beside the rapper.
"Can I help?"
"Yeah, just... don't burn your hands."
"I am 24 years old," Jungkook said.
Yoongi smiled shyly in response and put his mind back to frying the toast. He had kept the promise he had made to himself - he had woken up early to make breakfast.
They could hear the others coming down the stairs and flooding the living room. They were noticeably quieter than before, maybe from the news they had heard a few nights earlier, but murmurs and laughter still could be heard. Jimin tried to include Jin in the conversation as much as possible and was pleased to see the eldest giggling and adding in some jokes of his own.
