[Completed]
"It started out not too badly. I thought that I could be a bit more confident if I lost a few pounds, but that soon spiralled out of control. I forgot who I was and what I liked to do. I didn't have any energy to pursue anything that I...
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Jin made some progress. He finally found out another of his special talents were: stuffing his face. He didn't have to do anything this time either, it was pointed out by some rather helpful people online.
To be honest, he didn't know what to feel. Should he feel happy or worse?
He liked to eat... that was true. People called him a pig sometimes. The one time that Jin had fired back and called Jimin a pig, the fandom erupted and said that he should go hang himself. Yet, the members called him a pig all the time, and nobody got mad. Jin apologized to Jimin after. He still felt bad for that. He knew that Jimin had had his own struggles with body image. But Jin did too. Did nobody understand that? He spent a long time in front of the mirror hating himself too. Didn't that count?
Listening to Jungkook's solo had not been a good idea. Why had he ever thought that it was? The youngest's technical masterpiece was way more advanced than his nasally excuse of a voice. Jimin had a better vocal colour, Taehyung a more unique range... Jin didn't know what he wanted to do. He was probably just going to use one of his old demos. Too tiring making another one.
He took a deep breath. Glancing at his swollen eyes and messed up hair, he felt a prick of annoyance on his skin. The visual, they said. Worldwide handsome, they said. The fans didn't want to see him, they wanted to see the others. Jin wasn't a good enough visual. He knew he wasn't.
His wide shoulders stuck out like a sore thumb as he continued analyzing his reflection. No wonder everyone hated him. No wonder. ARMYs said they were all OT7, but Jin's stuff always got the least views or the least likes.
Jin hated his shoulders. Why couldn't he be small like Yoongi?
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The idea took shape over a few days. He looked online to see those "weight loss transformations" that were all over the place. Maybe he could do that too? He didn't like how his body looked like right now. Once he lost a few pounds, he would have no issue loving himself.
He had thought about it so many times before, but he had been too unmotivated to do it. As he stared at himself these days, at his fat disgusting body, he could feel the self-hatred start to eat at him. He could almost feel the bites now. The gnawing feeling of wanting to be small, the feeling of wanting to be thin, that is what Jin craved more than anything.
He needed to lose weight. Just a few pounds. Somehow Kim Seokjin would get thinner than Min Yoongi.
Jin would become the most popular of Bangtan, the face of not only BTS, but of Korea. His solos would be the most popular. People would rave about him the way they did about the other members.
He really shouldn't be getting ahead of himself. First he had to lose the weight.
Yes, that would be the thing to do. He would lose a couple of pounds and his self-esteem would go up, making it a win-win for both. He liked to fantasize. He was good at it too, no?
