"I should of stayed at home,"
-
The whole way home a sobbed, unable to hold in my emotions. Felicity tried to get as much information out of me as she could, but eventually she up, realizing there was no point in trying. She couldn't have understood me through my sobs anyways.
I felt so stupid.
I couldn't understand why I was letting myself get so upset over a guy I didn't even know. I figured a big part of it was the fact that I was already so self conscious, and I had thought I was safe there with him for a moment. His outburst only worsened my insecurity. The on top of all of that he yelled at me with such anger in his eyes. His rage brought up bad memories I had been trying so hard to forget.
Once we had finally made it back to our apartment, Felicity sat me on the couch, not letting me wonder off to my bedroom. All I wanted to do was hide under the covers and never come out. The tears had finally subsided, and instead I replaced them with staring off into an empty void. I went numb when things like this happened. I was just so ashamed that I let something like that happen.
I knew I probably looked over dramatic crying over something so small, but it wasn't small to me. Kissing someone like that was a huge deal in my world, and I normally never did anything that risky. Harry had made things seem so different.
He was so charming and charismatic that I figured there was no way the situation could have ended badly, but I was very wrong. He blurred my judgment with his good looks and confidence, but I guessed that's as the allusion he was going for. I was just glad things didn't go any further than just kissing.
I was sure it was just going to a one and done type thing for him anyways, and knowing myself I would have gotten attached, and he wouldn't have thought twice about me after the fact. Once he got what he wanted, he would have thrown me out and never looked back.
I mean I think I expected that, even before he had gotten so upset. I worked to prepare myself for things going wrong, but I quickly found out that was not the case. I wasn't as strong as I had thought.
I knew that it probably wasn't going to be anything special for him, given my lack of experience, but the fact that he raged before we even had a chance to make it there threw me off.
I just wanted it to be something I could enjoy, and look back on when I was old and say that I enjoyed my teenage years. I wanted it to be something I could reminisce about. A time I was brave and rebellious.
I knew that sounded stupid, but never would I have guessed that Harry would have even had a second thought about me, much less want to take me back to his place. I just wasn't used to that kind of attention.
Being thrown out, stranded with no way to get home wasn't exactly what I had planned for the experience.
"Now we are either going to sit here all night, or you are going to tell me what happened." Felicity demanded, staring back at me from where she was sitting on the other side of the couch.
She had always been protective over me ever since high school, and when someone did bad by me, they did bad by her too. I had always been quite awkward which was the exact opposite of Felicity, who was cheer captain with a quarter back boyfriend.
In my town that's what they called The American Dream.
People of course found multiple ways to make fun of my shyness, but I mean I wasn't helping my case in the slightest. I had a weird haircut and my head was always shoved in a book.
One day when one of the baseball players knocked my books out of my hand in the hallway, she helped me pick my stuff up off the floor.
I thought it was so nice of her to help, but then I watched as she proceeded to close one of the open books, before hitting Dustin Colman over the head with it as she yelled across the hall telling him how much of a dick he was and that he was just compensating for his small penis.
