"I will always love you,
How I do..."
-
Harry's POV:
It wasn't long after she had fallen asleep that I pulled myself out from under her, sliding out of bed slowly, trying by best not to wake her. I stood for a second just watching. She always looked so beautiful.
The moon was beaming down, dancing over her good side as she called it. If I was being honest all of her sides were good sides. She was perfect.
I had never felt like that before. Something about her was different. I could talk to her. I could be open with her about things no one else could understand. Although I hadn't been totally truthful with her, I felt like she knew about the things that mattered. She knew the important shit.
She didn't need to know everything, because not everything was good, and if she knew all the bad things she would hate me.
I told her I loved her over and over that night. I just couldn't stop repeating it. I wanted her to know it. I wanted her to feel it. Because I did. I had never loved someone so much in my entire life.
But I just couldn't seem to shake the gnawing pit in my stomach. I was scared.
I hadn't been that scared in a long time. Everything was always easy for me. I had no fear after the accident, I just went numb. I wasn't scared of dying and there wasn't anyone in my life worth living for.
Hopelessness felt good when you had a job like mine.
I couldn't help but feel selfish. I hadn't told her things about me. Things that could change everything. Information that could potentially get her killed.
I just had to let myself love her. I knew I should have held myself back. The first night I saw her, I knew I should have just let her be. I just couldn't control myself around her, and I may have fucked her life up for ever. The one person I loved, I was screwing over.
I knew we could only go on like that for so long. Yes, in that moment I had people believing my lies. There wasn't any questions being asked, but I had no idea what was going on behind closed doors. I knew he would eventually get tired of just believing what I had to say. I knew that wouldn't be good enough. I knew once he got bored, he would want to hear it for himself.
I couldn't do that to her. I couldn't let something like that happen. If he ever got his hands on her, it would be over. She wouldn't be the same person. She wouldn't be my Cali.
I wanted to think differently. I wanted to believe we would be okay. I wanted to believe he would just let things be. But I knew better.
The night we meet, California Dodge had just signed a death sentence, and she didn't even know it. She sold her soul to the devil.
I pulled my guitar out of one of the closet in the living room, walking out onto the balcony. I didn't want to wake her, so I tried my best to stay quiet.
I smoked through half of our pack of cigarettes just trying to get the thought of him getting to her out of my mind. All I could think about was seeing her go through what I did. It wasn't fun, and it sure as hell wasn't pretty.
He was an asshole, and he would have done anything to spite me. That was the name of his game. He would have done just about anything to fuck me over. He hated me, and if I even showed the slightest sign of happiness, he was going to make it his life's mission to fuck it up.
I couldn't let her go through all of that, I knew she wouldn't be able to handle it. She was too kind. Too caring. She was fragile and he knew how to break people.
