TW: VIOLENCE
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"Love,
I said real love,
Is like feeling no fear,
When you're standing in the face of danger,
Cause you just want it so much,
A touch,
From your real love..."
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I woke up feeling like absolute shit. My eyes were puffy from how much I had cried the night before, and I had a splitting headache from how much I had drank. My last hangover must not have been enough to convince me to not drink anymore.
I woke up feeling like I definitely needed more sleep, but my body wasn't letting me. I had spent most of the morning in my bathroom hung over the toilet. Drinking that much alcohol was fairly new to me, and then when you add the fact I hadn't eaten hardly anything that day, it was a recipe for disaster.
Even tough I couldn't go back to sleep, I stayed under my covers hiding from the world. The second I had woken up, I got a whiff of Harry's cologne, making my stomach turn. I looked down at what I was wearing, realizing it was his kiss tee shirt he had let me wear home. I didn't even realized that's what I had put on.
The thought of Harry and what he had said to me the night before popped into my brain. It had been playing over and over in my head. I never fucking wanted you anyway.Why would he say that to me?
He knew what he was doing. He knew he was being mean. I couldn't understand how he could change so quickly. He was so sweet to me when I first got to the bar that night, and it was like he had completely flipped.
One minute he was kissing me and telling me it was all going to be alright, and then the next he was kicking me out. I couldn't understand how he could just changed on a dime.
The way he yelled at me was awful, and don't get me started on how he lied, trying to convince me I was the one who was wrong. How could he sit there and try to convince me I was delusional? Try to change to truth like that. Convince me I was the one lying. It was all too much for me to handle.
I came to Seattle to get away from the people who treated me poorly. I didn't want to have to worry about ever feeling less than again. I didn't ever want to feel that emptiness.
He had never made me feel that way until then. That was one of the reasons I was so drawn to him. He was warm. He made me feel genuine happiness, and I hadn't felt that in so long. But he had a way of pulling the rug out from under me.
It was like he flipped back and fourth between two different people. Like he wasn't always himself. Or maybe that was the real him? Maybe the Harry I liked wasn't him at all.
My attention turned to my bedroom door as it creaked open slightly, letting the artificial light from the hallway sneak into my room. I watched Felicity peek her head inside, trying to get a feel for my mood, sending me a soft smile as she opened the door just enough to see me.
"Cali?"
"Yes." I replied through sniffles, trying to wipe my tears away before she could see.
"Are you okay?" She made her way inside, closing the door quietly behind her.
I still hadn't told her about everything that had happened, and I wasn't sure if I was even ready to explain. Even thinking about Harry made me emotional, so I wasn't sure if I would even be able to get the words out. It was still a fresh wound.
Even though I hadn't told her exactly what had happened, she still knew something was obviously wrong.
"No." I admitted, trying to hide the fact I had been crying.
She let out a sigh, walking over to sit on the edge of my bed, placing herself gently on my baby blue comforter.
"I'm sorry Cali." She peered down at me hiding under my covers.
