her mafia man

chapter 18

(dean's pov, thursday, april 25th 2019)

i stare at the spot her truck was parked in.

i fucked up.

it's not like i meant to not show up for lunch.

i really wanted to but when you drop your phone off of the 25th story balcony at your office building and then have meetings run longer than planned it's hard to let someone know you can't make it to lunch.

i thought she'd let me explain but obviously not. she thinks i'm like everyone else, that i used her. she sees me as just some spoiled brat now. it wasn't hard to see the exhaustion and unhappiness on her face as she yelled at me. she wouldn't even let me talk.

now as i stand in her driveway as she drives away i can't stop thinking about what she said. she thinks i'm a liar. that my mom didn't try to raise good sons. that's the furthest from the truth, that's what hurt the worst.

i wanted to jump in my car and speed after her, beg her to let me explain but i know she needs time to think and she has to get to work. i hate making her late to places because then i feel bad and she gets in trouble because of me.

i hate how exhausted she is too. you looks drained. i don't know how she's even driving right now, she definitely shouldn't be.

i hate her being mad at me. i want her happy with me. i didn't just use her for sex. i can't believe she could say that after last night. after i told her what happened. after i showed her my scars. after i cried in her arms. i've never been so serious about someone, i could see myself loving this girl eventually.

my dad's gonna be pissed because he's tired of me being in bad moods, my brother's gonna think it's funny because i can't make anything last, and my moms gonna be upset because she adores lilith.

how wouldn't you adore lilith? with her long brunette hair, bluish green eyes, southern accent, natural beauty, gorgeous laugh, and hyper cheerful personality. she's hard not to like when she's perfect.

i just had to ruin everything. she's pissed at me. more than pissed. she thinks i fucking used her.

(lilith's pov)
i sit in my truck not wanting to leave red robin's parking lot. what if dean is at my house? what if he comes over again? i feel like shit for saying what i did but he used me. he lied just to get sex and once he did, he left. then he tried to come over and explain. how stupid does he think i am? i don't want no bullshit excuse.

i start my truck and pull out of the parking lot driving home. i had morgan wallen playing on the radio and usually i'd be singing my heart out with him but i just didn't have the energy.

as soon as i got home i hoped in the shower. i scrubbed my body everywhere dean touched me until the skin was red.

"i poured some whiskey, on places you kissed me." i mumble out loud thinking of morgan wallen's song 'baidaid on a bullet hole.'

maybe mike was right.

i could hear him now yelling 'no man will ever want you! you're just some slut, like your mom, only good for a quick fuck. that's why you're always with different guys, none of them will ever want a whore.'

all i'm good for is a quick fuck.

my own dad didn't even want me what makes me think a guy like dean, as beautiful as dean, would ever want me. he just wanted sex. i just looked too far into his small actions, caring words, and got my hopes up. he acted sweet to get one thing, then once he got it he left. who wouldn't fall for it though. just look at him. his looks, his personality, his accent.