PHYSIOTHERAPIST [B.C.] ~ ©️

29. My Family Is Fucked Up

"Ben" I mumbled against his lips; I don't want his knee to be more painful because of me sitting onto his lap

"What?" he asked looking at me

"Your knee is still hurting you, I shouldn't sit on your lap" I said

"As you said, knee is hurting and you're not sitting on that knee" he said pulling me closer to him and back into kiss

He removed my hair from my neck and just before he leaned in to kiss it, I separated from him going in the bedroom right away. I didn't want to ruin us the moment we had but I couldn't help, the past is always coming back when he just touches my neck with his fingers and letting him kiss it would just make it even worse and I will break in front of him what, in this situation, he doesn't deserve.

"Els" he said quietly knocking on bedroom's door

"Give me a few minutes, please" I said trying not to sob

"okay" he said, and I heard him walking away

Me and my stupid past, he could fall downstairs with crutches, but he came up just because I ran away from him just like that.

After I cried out everything that was collecting in me since I met him, I went to wash my face and tried to do the best to not be seen that I cried. I slowly walked downstairs as he was sitting on couch with his right leg up on the couch and other on the floor as his hands were on his face.

"Ela, I....I'm sorry, I-" he immediately looked at me as he heard me walking towards him

"it's not your fault Ben" I said and sat on the couch "I'm sorry for ruining the moment, but I couldn't" I said as he got closer to me

"what's wrong?" he asked carefully

"it's my past" I said, "I never told you but you deserve to know it so you will know why I act like I do" I added and took a deep breath "My family is fucked up, if I even can call them my family" I said

"Everything was like a beautiful dream in my family until she got pregnant when I was 16, at first I wasn't happy not because I didn't want brother or sister but because I was 16. Having a sibling 16 almost 17 years younger than me was unimaginable for me. I knew I would be okay with it when baby will be born but they didn't think like that. I was finishing first grade of high school and I was in so much stress because of school that I will come home and listening to her telling me do this, do this while she was only two months pregnant? No, I couldn't deal with that and that's why they thought it was my fault that she lost baby in almost fourth month. Doctors said someone put some pills in her drink and that caused miscarriage and right away I was guilty for that. But they gave up their own child because of something I never thought to do. That was the first and last time he raised hand on me, he almost chokes me. I left in home for children without parents even if I had them, but they gave up on me and I didn't have much choice since I was a year and half of 18. But the best of everything is that she didn't lost baby, they were lying, they clearly didn't want me, and they lied and sent me to that home. One day I was walking down street and I found myself in park near house I lived in with them. I saw three-years-old little me, my eyes, my hair, it was like I had power to see myself from 16 years ago. Being 19 years old, living alone because your parents gave up on you and going to college was hard for me and then I saw little me one day. After that I never saw any of them and I am glad I didn't" I said not looking at him

"Since the day he raised hand on me, every time when someone just touch my neck, I see him in front of my eyes, and I feel his hand around my neck" I said and finally looked at him seeing him staring at me totally shocked with tears in his eyes

"don't do that Ben, it's not worth it" I said thinking on his tears

"He.... hurt you" he mumbled "that's why people at school were always shouting something about your family at you?" he asked, and I nodded, how does he remember that?

"I'm so-"

"don't say it" I said interrupting him "I told you so you will know if I will act weird when you touch my neck, I didn't tell you to you to feel sorry because there is nothing to be sorry about, yes, I was heartbroken, without family but I was and I am much better and happier like this, on my own" I said

"I'm sorry to turn you down like that earlier but I couldn't handle it anymore, I needed to let it out of me, and I didn't want to worry you even more than you already are because your knee and-" he interrupted me with pressing his lips against mine

"You saw me weak, you will see me weak if I will need surgery, why could not I see you weak? Didn't we say, in bad and good times? Didn't we say, together no matter on are we next to each other or miles away?" he asked as I just nodded

"I know it was hard to open up with this what happened to you, and I am grateful that you told me" he said cupping my face

"I hope you feel at least a bit better now" he said, and I lightly smiled at him

"I do" I said, and he smiled back at me

"Can I ask you just one question?" he asked