PHYSIOTHERAPIST [B.C.] ~ ©️

68. Heartbreaking Truth

I got woken up by soft light coming through curtains.

"mmm" I mumbled hugging tightly the body next to mine

"morning" he whispered leaving kiss on the top of my head

"morning" I said and slowly opened my eyes

"When did everyone left?" I asked because the last thing I remember is Ben and me making love and him leaving room on the minute, but it was more than a minute, so I fell asleep

"When I went down, I told them that you're tired and we stayed for about half an hour longer and then they left, actually.... Mason and Sophia are in the guest room and James and Harvey are sharing couch" he said, and I smiled

"interesting" I said, and he smiled

"Very interesting" he said sarcastically "Was that making love cute?" he asked few moments later

"yes" I said kissing the top of his nose

"I'm glad" he said

"everything's cute when it comes from you" I said "I hope you all will be ready for training this evening and that it won't be injuries after long night because I am staying at home to clean the house" I said

"And I'm staying with you" he said

"You don't have to" I said

"I asked Thomas for day off" he said

"You actually asked him for three days off this week" I reminded him

"I wanted to spend weekend with you, there is nothing wrong" he said

"Okay, but I don't want you to avoid trainings because of me" I said

"don't start with that again because we will argue...again" he said

"I'm not starting anything; I'm just telling you facts" I said

"don't tell me the facts because you know I will do however I want to" he said full of himself

"I totally forgot that I can't deal with Ben Chilwell" I said and stood up walking towards bathroom

"Ugh, come on, why are you always overreacting?" he asked but I ignored him

He knows that I hate when he avoids trainings because of our dates but he is doing it anyway. Football is his job, his life, his everything and I don't want him to give way and lose shape because of me.

••••••••••

"Um, good morning, guys" I said walking to living room where boys were sitting still drowsy

"morning" James mumbled

"hey" Harvey barely said

Harvey drunk, funny guy, he is funny sober, but drunk, hell, such a different person, but good different.

"Want some pills?" I asked walking towards kitchen

"please" Harvey said, and I smiled to myself, normal thing after long night with alcohol

After I gave them pills and water, I started making something for breakfast but having no idea what to make since it's the 6 of us in the house today.

"don't tell me you're mad because of that stupid thing from earlier" Ben said hugging me from behind as I was cleaning dishes after breakfast

"I'm trying to clean dishes" I said trying to get away from his arms what I did after a few tries

A second later I was found in Ben's arms and soon enough sitting on the kitchen worksheet facing him

"What are you doing?" he asked not satisfied with my behaviour "Why are you doing this?" he asked pulling me by thighs, so I was sitting on the edge of worksheet, and he was standing in between my legs holding my waist

"Ela, talk to me please" he begged as I just looked away from him

I hate him for this, I hate him for putting our relationship on the first place, I hate him for putting me on the first place, I hate him for avoiding trainings just to spend a day with me. I hate myself for changing his habits, I hate myself for changing him, I hate myself for making him choose between his career and me.

"Can you tell me what's wrong?" he asked, and I could hear that his voice is breaking what caused me to look at him, I hugged him tightly letting tears go

"I'm sorry" I sobbed onto his shoulder as he hugged me even tighter

"Sorry for what?" he asked

"For changing you" I said, and he pulled me away from him just to cup my face

"you're sorry because you changed me?" he asked confused

"I hate myself because of that" I said, and he shook his head

"I... I'm confused" he said "why would you hate yourself because you changed me? You changed me on better Els, you make me happy every day, you push me towards, you give me strength when I'm completely down, you can't hate yourself for changing someone on better and for making someone complete" he said looking me straight into eyes holding my cheeks

"I don't want you to put me nor our relationship on the first place" I said

"How do you mean?" he asked

"I want you to be fully focused on your professional life, on what you love, on what your life is, I'm just a small part of it and I don't want to stay between you and your love for football not to influence on your professional life and your condition" I said

"you're everything just not a small part of my life" he said leaning his forehead onto mine, he knows how weak on that I am

"Football is your life Ben, not me" I said as my heart was breaking to say this, but it was true, heart-breaking truth, his love for football would never be replaced by his love for anyone not even me

"Are you trying to.... break up with me or what are you trying to do?" he asked

"Can you imagine how you're making me feel with all of this what you're saying? You're breaking my heart Ela and it's hurting....so damn much, it's hurting more than anything what happened in my entire life, but you just started, you will kill me without even physically doing it" he said, and a tear rolled down his cheek

"I can't believe this is all happening just because I asked for a weekend off to spend it with my girlfriend" he said and get away from me "I can't do this Ela" he said putting his hands in his face as he sat around kitchen island, and I was still sitting on worksheet