PHYSIOTHERAPIST [B.C.] ~ ©️

69. Number One

"I can't do this Ela" he said putting his hands in his face as he sat around kitchen island, and I was still sitting on worksheet

"Why can't I put girl that I love more than anything, before my professional life? Why can't I finally put my love life on the first place? This is what I hate, having someone like you beside me but not being able to be fully happy because you don't want to be my number one priority, because you want me to put damn football before you, because you want me to spend days at trainings and not with you. I hate that I fell for you, I hate that I love you more than anything on this world" he said as tears were rolling down both of our cheeks

"If I just never came to Chelsea, I would never meet you, I will never fall for you and it won't hurt like it does now, nothing ever hurt like you do" he said and walked out of kitchen, just a second later I burst into tears

I got down from worksheet sitting down on the floor. I pulled knees to my chest hugging them and crying onto my hands.

Why we told these things to each other? Things that broke us, things that made us both crying. But, after all, we just said the truth, we know how the other is really feeling but I'm scared of losing him after this, I'm scared that I will lose him because of the truth and both of us will left broken-hearted.

••••••••••

We haven't eaten, we haven't talk, we haven't seen each other the whole day. He was in bedroom, and I was in the living room sitting on couch not able to stop crying but Oscar was there to comfort me at least a little bit as he snuggled to me. It was clearly to see that he felt the bad vibes and what happened between Ben and me because he wasn't as usual. He was snuggled to me, not running around house, not eating, not drinking, just like Ben and me.

My phone buzzed but I just turned it off, I don't want to talk with anyone at the moment, the most not with Sophia or even worse with Mason or James.

"Should I bring him food?" I asked looking at Oscar on my lap as I was stroking him "I don't know what to do Oscar" I said and after few minutes of not crying I burst into tears once again

"I hate this situation, but I really don't want him to avoid trainings, he worked so hard for everything he has now, and I don't want to be reason why he will lose it all" I said

I heard footsteps and I whipped my cheeks looking at stairs. Ben was walking down, and I couldn't realize what face expression that was. He walked towards me and the next thing I know was him giving me the most passionate kiss ever.

"The truth hurts sometimes, that's what it did to us today and I don't want to feel it ever again because I almost died, without you beside me" he said cupping my face and leaning his forehead onto mine as tears were still rolling down my cheeks

"Fuck trainings, fuck Chelsea, fuck football, fuck everything, you're my number one, if I have you that's enough for me, you're enough and I don't need anything else, only you" he said, and I just hugged him tightly "you're everything I need" he whispered hugging me

"I'm sorry" I said

"I'm sorry too" he said and looked at me "I don't want this to repeat, it was so heart-breaking" he said

"I don't want it either" I said, and he kissed me once again, he always kisses me gently, but these last two kisses were even more than just gentle

"I love you" I whispered onto his lips

"I love you more" he said and leaned his forehead onto mine as Oscar came in between us sitting on my lap

"What a jealous boy, what would you do when we will have a baby, huh?" he asked looking down at Oscar "Now she loves me more than you, I mean, I hope she does, but when there will a baby...god, she is going to kick us out and we won't even exist anymore" he said stroking Oscar as I just bite my lip smiling

After James' mention on New Year's Eve that we should think about having a baby, we talked once about it but nothing too much and this is the second time Ben is talking about baby in front of me.

"What do you think? should we start trying no matter on what I said a second ago?" he asked not even looking up at me "Yeah, I need to think about it and talk with her about it" he said acting like I am not few inches away from him

"Should we start trying?" he asked and looked at me

"Try what?" I asked acting like I didn't hear him

"Should we start trying for a baby?" he asked, and I've never saw him more serious than he was now

"Are you sure?" I asked still not getting over what I told him this morning

"you're my priority and I will remind you that every day if there is need for it" he said cupping my face "if you're ready for parenthood we can try" he said

I couldn't feel more grateful for him, he is caring, sweet, he always knows what to say, what to do and the most important of all, he never do anything what have to do with us and our relationship without my permission, without asking me if that's okay and in this situation asking me if I am ready for parenthood.