Summer with the Pine Twins: Summer's Coming to an End

The Stanchurian Candidate: Part 2

(y/n)'s p.o.v.

"Grunkle Stan it's not just that we don't think you can do it it's just..." Mabel tries to lay it off on him gently before Dipper stops her. "No, no it's ok, we don't think you can do it." "Look kids, the mayor kicking the bucket got me thinking, I'm an old man and I'm not gonna get any younger, my brother's dumb research is probably gonna make him famous, Grace will join him and what do I have to show for my life? Do I really want 'Crooked Grifter' on my tombstone? How about 'Crooked Mayor'?"

He tells us glumly and pull the twins toward me and whisper "Look I know Stan isn't the best candidate, heck he's committing voter fraud right now but he's been feeling down lately and I think he feels like he's being replaced with Ford and Grace because they seem to one-up him all the time. We should help and support him whether he wins or loses. Besides, we all know Bud is up to something, which means we have to stop him."

"Yeah. We'll help," Dipper tells me, kissing me on the cheek, and Mabel nods. "Besides Stan kinda has a charisma, how hard could getting him elected be?" With that we head back and deck out the shack with all sorts of stuff to help support Stan, even Soos, Candy, Grenda, and Wendy decided to help.

"Alright everybody eyes up here! Gravity Falls elections are based on two events: The Wednesday stump speech, which is held on an actual stump, and the Friday debate where townsfolk throw birdseed at the candidate they like most. At the end, they release a Freedom Eagle which will fly to the candidate covered in more seed and bestow a birdly kiss upon him, anointing him mayor," Dipper explains and everyone gives him a look. "I couldn't make this up if I wanted to."

That's when we hear one of the phones ringing from the table and Mabel quickly answers. "Ok Grunkle Stan, you ready for your first radio interview?" "I got my mouth, don't I?" "Ok, you're on win the candidate," We turn on the radio in the other room, loud enough for us to hear the questions but quiet enough not to cause feedback.

"Candidate Stan, how do you feel about the American flag?" We hear Toby ask. "Eh, I could take it or leave it, too many stripes. Next question," I grimace and the answer, that was a bad start. "What would you do to help educate our kids?" "Simple. Put 'em on an island and make them fight for dominance. Also, teach kids swears, that'll bring 'em into the real world," "Once I hear Toby's next question I grab some scissors and cut the line before he could answer.

"What would you do about the crime in Gravity Falls?" "Wait do you mean crime in general or just the specific crimes committed by me?" "Ok, interview is over, Candy what's the damage?" I ask, dropping the severed cord and she shows us the statistics. 

"Your approval rating started at zero, now it's a number lower than zero." "You're memeing fast and none of them are good," Wendy chimes in showing an image of Stan looking sinister with the caption: One does not simply "teach kids swears". "Look Grunkle Stan, people are like smelly markers and you're black licorice. It's not that you're un-sniffable you just need to learn when to keep the cap on."

Mabel explains and Dipper pulls out a piece of paper and hands it to him stating "From now on maybe you should read our prepared remarks," He stuffs the remarks in his jacket with a chuckle. "Sorry kids, I only say words that come out of my brain if my head say that lady's got an ugly baby my mouth says: Woah lady, you got one ugly baby!" The twins grimace and look at me hoping for reassurance but I mouth to them "It's true."

Dipper's p.o.v.

After the interview, I go down to the lab for some advice from Great Uncle Ford and Grace. Grace was out at the moment, leaving me to explain the situation to Ford. "And he's insisting on speaking his mind!" "So this is an emergency," He comments staring down at his journal. 

"The stump speech is in a couple of days and if he continues like this we'll lose to Bud for sure!" "Hm, it's a shame there isn't some device that would allow you to control someone else. Oh wait of course yes there is. A long time ago we designed a prototype for Ronald Regan's masters. Just get Stan to wear this and you can make him a literal talking head," Ford explains, handing me a white, red, and blue tie. "Woah, this is amazing and ethically ambiguous." "As long as you wear the matching one he'll say and do whatever you want him to," He explains more, handing me a black and blue tie. "Thank you Great Uncle Ford!" "Yes, yes. Use it responsibly and all."

Grabbing Mabel, I tell her what Ford gave to me, and we decided to test the ties on Soos. "Woah, thanks for the slamming tie dudes, these stripes are so slimming." "You really think this mind control tie is gonna work?" My sister whispers to me and I hand her the other tie.

"Flip the switch and test it out," I tell her as she puts on the tie, soon flipping the switch. Soos freezes before Mabel starts to dance and sing, Soos, doing and saying the exact same thing as Mabel. "Oooh, I'm a dancing dude, and some fancy moves, and a bad attitude~" She turns it off and he falls on his back, gripping his chest while breathing heavily.

"Ha! That's amazing!" "Guys, something weird just happened and I'm really freaked out-" She turns it back on and acts like a robot. "I am Soos-Tron, watch me eat this pinecone," Once again she turns it off claiming mind control was awesome, Soos soon shouting "Oh gosh, life just flashed before my eyes!"