Today is a Sunday, and it's the first day I have to return to my adult responsibilities in the new year.
I took three weeks off from work during the holidays, because I figured I could take some extra time off since it'd been working all the time, and I had no spare time in my life. It seemed like I was waking up, going to work, coming home, sleeping, and doing it all over again every single day. I felt stuck.
These past three weeks have been heaven, because I haven't had to worry about making sure I left early enough to get there on time because of weather, or if I had all of my gear with me, or if I would have to work with people I don't know well, or if where I'd be working it would be busy with other people who happen to be rude or disrespectful; the list goes on. I have excessive anxieties toward my workplace, and it's all because I'm taken out of my comfort zones in order to do these things. I don't like working around people, I don't like loud noises, I don't like people staring at me, I don't like the fear of something bad potentially happening that I need to be mindful of.
In my comfort zone – in my studio – I don't have to worry about anything like that. In my home, it's safe.
And sure, all of these anxieties that I have are just part of the workplace – every place you work has these factors. It's unavoidable. And yes, they are, and I knew of them when I got the job; that didn't turn me away from it. It just seems that I'm becoming more sensitive to things like this lately, and it really makes my nerves stand on end. This past year has made me hate work environments, due to a job I left in 2021 that was incredibly toxic and damaging. It was a living hell. The job I have now is wonderful by comparison, but that doesn't mean the fear that the toxic job created magically goes away.
Perhaps it's all just my brain overreacting, and making me lose control. But it's still a scary thing for me. It's not impossible, but it takes me a little more time to build up my confidence before I can do my job.
It's just a weird thought, having to resume my adult responsibilities, when I've been so at peace in my own little bubble. I'll manage, don't worry. I just find it strange.
YOU ARE READING
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Non-FictionI had this idea last night after a few drinks, a pounding headache, and an excessive amount of throat lozenges. In order to inspire me to write more often than I currently do, I am planning to write a new post every day and publish it, allowing me t...
