365

mar.11.22

Lullaby followed the narrow fox trail, lit up by pale moonlight. The Company's campsite was nearby; Lullaby saw the eldest son of Dis disappear from around the fire a while ago, and hadn't heard from him since. She'd asked around to the other dwarfs – even to Bilbo and Gandalf – and even Kili, his brother, hadn't seen him. Lullaby felt she should look for him. It was unlike Fili to vanish.

Dodging willows and bushes and low hanging trees, the forest began to thin, and she could hear the gentle rush of water. As she neared the water that she could only invision to be freezing, she could smell the sweet smoke from a dwarf's pipe – it was the scent of black cherries and birch. She knew it well, the scent ingrained in her mind from being around the Company. It was their blend of pipeweed, sweet and tantalizing.

As she emerged from the brush along the riverside, she saw him on the bank: Fili, sitting on a patch of soft and glittering sand, his pipe lit as he held it in his hand. His eyes were drifted off, his thoughts lost in a world of their own.

She padded on the front of her boots, lifting the heels up so they wouldn't make a noise on the riverside stones and dry driftwood. She watched Fili carefully, and gently sat beside him on the sand to his left; he didn't even notice her.

She watched his chiseled face, his brilliant blue eyes. In the silvery moonlight, they seemed to glow. His brows were furrowed. She could see the anxiousness behind his eyes, his mind racing with things he would never admit about his feeling and his fears to anybody of the Company.

His pipe sat in his hand, blue smoke rising from it. Judging by the gentle continuous smoke it released in a thin stream, she guessed Fili hadn't had a drag off of it in a few long minutes, perhaps even a long while.

She sat with him for several minutes, unmoving, not speaking. She heard birds caw to one another in the distance, the chinook wind blow softly through the tree tops, the gentle rush of the river. Strongest of all, she heard Fili's slow, even breaths. She was sitting close enough to him, that if she closed her eyes and focused, she could hear his heart beating, like a distant deer skin drum.

The blue smoke in his pipe slowly diminished, until it was nothing; burned ashes replaced the pipeweed, extinguishing  itself.

Fili's blue eyes moved to his pipe then; noticing his pipe, he habitually reached to his pocket for more pipeweed. His arm bumped Lullaby's; he turned to her. He didn't jump at her presence, but his eyes widened a bit. "Lullaby," he said to cover his surprise; his deep voice had a slight gravel to it. "I didn't hear you approach."

She watched his bright blue eyes. "I know."

He refilled his pipe, taking a matchstick from his pocket. His hands moved slowly, his eyes on Lullaby. "How long have you been here?"

She smiled at him. "A little while."

He exhaled suddenly; his shoulders shook, the weight of the world on them. Visibly, he was stressed. "I must be losing it," he said then, lighting his pipe. He shook out the matchstick flame, tossing it into the river.

She leaned her head against his shoulder, looping both of her arms with his left one. He leaned into her. "You're not losing it, Fili," she said softly. "You just have a lot on your shoulders, on your mind."

He exhaled again, a bit slower. "It is weak to admit I'm scared?" His voice was barely above a whisper; it shook terribly. He really was scared, of things he was afraid he wouldn't be able to control.

"No. I'm scared, too," Lullaby whispered back.

They sat in each other's silence for what felt like minutes, but could have been much longer. It was as if everything that was not said between them, they knew what the other was thinking, what they needed to say. They understood each other on a level that could not be contained with words.

Somewhat distantly, their names were being called. Lullaby recognized Kili's voice. There was slight panic in it, she noticed.

She held Fili's hand. "C'mon. Kili's getting worried; we should head back." She stood up, and held her hands out.

Fili nodded, taking her hands. They began walking the way they'd come, following the narrow fox trail. Kili's voice was getting louder with every step. She heard a metallic swing; she could picture Kili slicing through willows to hide his unease.

"Hey, Lullaby?" Fili asked.

She turned to him. "Yeah?"

He held her hand and stopped walking; his arms were around her, and he pulled her against his chest. Her hands found his back; she could hear his heart beating in her ears.

"Thank you," he whispered.

She smiled against him. "Anytime."