jan.18.22

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Hello. Let me rant a little.

I woke up at three in the morning from a nightmare, that had to do with certain family members being hurt and abused. It woke me up from a dead sleep and made me cry immediately.

Shit like that doesn't happen often. It's honestly been a while since I had to deal with that.

It feels real. I hate it. I didn't fall asleep for another hour or more after because I was afraid to see it again. When I tell you I cried, I fucken cried. My eyes hurt. I didn't sleep well, because in the back of my brain, I was waiting for it to happen again, so as I drifted off to sleep, I kept waking up. I didn't want to be there.

And it's now the morning. I'm exhausted. Also, the family members in question are fine. They looked at me weird when I hugged the hell out of them, but they're fine.

I hate being scared. And mostly, I hate being scared from the shit that happens in my own head. Awake, I can battle things a little easier. At night, there's nothing I can do. And I hate that. I haven't had an episode like that in a while.

So, yeah, there's a life update: I'm exhausted because my brain scared me out of slumber with a false reality.

Thanks for sticking with me. PEACE.

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