WHAT IF

T H I R T Y | F O U R

Your POV
  
   
  
I heard him say that and my heart stopped beating for a second.

I felt my whole body turned pale and it looks like my blood stopped flowing at that sudden news from him. My knees tremble and I subconsciously grabbed his shirt for support when I suddenly felt myself falling.

"Y/n.. I'm—" I heard him started with a hoarse voice but I quickly cut him off from continuing that.

"I know you felt sorry for me but please, don't say it. There's nothing to say sorry about"

Why is this happening? Why me? Out of all people, why me God?

I forced shut my eyes for a moment before blurting out, "take me there" as I started walking towards where his car's at.

He didn't respond but suddenly obey as he entered his car where I'm already waiting at and quickly driving off the road to the hospital he mentioned.

---

The drive was silent because none of us have the courage to start a conversation considering by the fact that we just had that terrible small conversation about that topic earlier. I know he knows it's not the time to talk about that now and I also know he wanted to ask about my situation earlier since he knew me that well to know if I have a certain problem or not based on my reaction on how I talked to him. And I'm thankful enough to him for knowing when and where to open a certain topic without pushing any buttons in me.

After a long drive that feels like forever, he suddenly parked the car in the parking lot and I found myself sitting still in the passenger seat, not moving an inch.

I sat there just slowly breathing in and out and noticed that Matthew haven't gotten out as well. I look at him already looking at me and when he's about to say something, I quickly cut him off. "Matt.. If history repeats itself, I'm really going insane" I blurted out with a small smile on my face as I stare at his worried eyes.

He so badly wanted say sorry to me and his expression says it all before grabbing the steering wheel with his both hands as he grips on it tightly. "I'm.. here for you Y/n. Always. Whatever happens. You can run to me and I'll come comforting you always" he genuinely said as he glance back at me with a sad smile. "you're basically my sister after all" I heard him say and I look away from his as I simply nodded my head.

I took a second as I take some fresh air in before deciding to open the car door and help myself out with him following suit. He took the lead and I followed behind him as we entered the entrance door of the hospital building.

I was basically forcing my self to look straight as I walk by familiar hallway but my eyes travel on its own and then suddenly, the memories I kept hidden behind of my mind started roaming in my mind for me to remember.

I hate these hallway

I thought to myself as I walked passed these familiar hallways behind Matthew.

I hate white rooms

Glancing away from the white open room I just passed by, I slowly shook my head and gently looked down.

I hate the clothes these patients use.. especially the one mom wears the last time I saw her

"I hate it.." I subconsciously whispered, still following Matthew from behind but stop when he do so.

"we're here" I heard him mumble before turning around to look at me with his unreadable expression.

My eyes traveled passed behind him and saw the ER title on top of the doors in front of us. I noticed Vanessa sitting on one of the benches on the corner in my peripheral vision and she sit up right when she finally saw the two of us.