Random Experiences - 2022

Coping with Grief - 08/01/22

It's this grieving. It's so deep and so heavy, it holds me down bodily. The loss of love unfettered, the exit of a job much liked, the separation from folks much valued, the disbelief or growing discomfort in accepting the things I once thought of as salvation to mankind's ills, and I speak not of religion but the theory and tenets of psychotherapy.

The summation of all these weighs me down. I stay in bed for days on end and don't leave except to dish my meal (which is usually small, so spaced apart - sometimes once a day, and mostly taken in bed), have my bath, or just be lazy around the house.

I can't remember when last I'd seen the sun. The hair on my head is way overgrown and bushy, and I'm not bothered about trimming it in the next few days.

I sometimes stay two days before having my bath, and this delayed body care routine sometimes affects the brushing of my teeth. I hardly converse as I'd love to and feel compelled to freshen up my body if someone nearby comments on the issue.

"Your mouth dey smell. Your armpit dey 'gba'." I don't find any insult in these comments but accept them as truth and go do the needful.

My days are spent reading, and reading, and reading. It's what I do almost all day long. This is often interspersed with YouTube videos and movies.

Am I okay with this? Yes! My only guilt is that I'm dependent on someone else's provision for sustenance.

If this were to be my food and housing and all, it wouldn't have been a problem; except that I wouldn't cook or clean the house, and would live on junks that wouldn't be enough because I wouldn't want to go out to restock or purchase good food.

This would mean me getting hungry despite the abundance and, probably getting some ulcers because I would not pay good attention to my dieting and body needs.

So this, in a way, seems like the fit for me.