Random Experiences - 2022

Relax - 13.03.22

I woke up from another dream. It's almost 9 am. I've been in and out of sleep, crossing the gates of the conscious and the unconscious rapidly.

While sleeping, or in this semi-unconscious state, I had thought of how the things and people and events that have led me to this point were unexpected events. They were things beyond my control. Things I didn't even think about while I was just running through the process of existing.

My going for service, my meeting Bukky, my coming to the NCCF family house, my inflamed interest in baking, my encounters that led me to think about a career in restorative therapy, my going to Wema bank, the job in Abia that made me afford the cost of training, my working with ADI, and all the people I've met in between.

There was no structured this-is-how-I'll-get-it plan. Yes. I thought about some things but happenings and events unfolded naturally and I just became aware of them and blended smoothly.

I questioned myself if the conflict I'm having is not a result of me trying to fight for balance. It's funny how the word 'balance' jumped out. What I intended to use was 'control'.

I seem to be struggling to hold the rudder of this ship of life as though I know where I'm going to or where the ship should be headed. And this struggle for control is becoming turbulence in my spirit.

I was reminded of how the journey has been that of surrender, and how I should just let go and flow with life.

I'm thinking more concisely about my intended travelling and settlement in Benin, or patiently waiting to get a job in Lagos. It's like a dilemma at the moment.

I just choose to listen closely to these messages I'm getting and let go of the wheels, acknowledge my ignorance of the Path, and allow Spirit to guide and lead me aright.