Random Experiences - 2022

In Love With My Tears - 04/02/22

It's a little hard to describe. No. Not hard per se. Maybe it's a strange and new experience, and so describing it is... Well... Hard.

In simple words, it's how I daily get more connected to my tear ducts.

I'm excited? Tears stain the side of my eyes. I'm scared? Tears veil my eyes. I'm pained? It's the tears. I'm calm, just laying in bed and remembering sweet memories? Tears are the responses I get.

And it's strange because a year ago, I was almost still with the boast of never really crying from my heart. I wore it like an award bracelet.

It's how I've journeyed this far to discover the beauty in tears, the calming balm it serves as, and the soothing feeling I get when I let a few drops fall off.

Did I say "let?" They don't even wait for my permission these days. They readily drop as it pleases them.

I still don't feel okay with letting it take its course in public cos of the wrong association it's been given in our society. I hope to reach that phase of comfort in tears soon.

So, for now, I let them drop when I don't feel threatened. And when they do drop in public, there's always the excuse of an irritant getting into the eyes and some little rubbing of "hold in there... It's not the place."

It feels amazing to be able to easily connect with my tears. If you only knew how long and hard I'd wanted to cry; and to know that I can do so in peace? It's bliss.

I can't even describe the experience fully yet cos it's still a little strange and I'm just all about experiencing it for what it is for now.

I'm getting real soft at my core. I feel myself melting. It's not a fast one but it's progress nevertheless, and one that I'm so happy for.