Random Experiences - 2022

Life Decisions - 15.03.22

I was watching the series 'Suits' when I came across this quote.

"You don't make major life decisions when you're reeling from a loss."

It cut me directly because it seems that's what I'm doing.

I've checked my behavioral pattern. When I take a major hit, I deal with it by upping and leaving.

Extricating myself from situations has been my coping mechanism up till this point. It makes me wonder if this isn't the case here.

My decision to leave Lagos to Benin, to get a job that's disconnected from my core, something I wouldn't be so emotionally connected to, something that'll take my mind off feeling things too deeply, something that'll be mechanical.

My decision to get a new sim card and deactivate the current one to cut off from known folks and acquaintances, and start a new life somewhere where I'm almost unknown.

I've disengaged from therapy. Something tells me it's not the right move but I did it all the same. I'll be meeting with my parents to notify them of my decision probably today. Then that will be it.

But the question comes, "What is necessitating these changes?"

Are they healthy choices or are they spontaneous and logically irrational?

I can't say at the moment, but I'm going ahead nevertheless. Whatever comes out of it is mine to bear, and I'm ready to face the consequences of my decisions, whatever they are.