Random Experiences - 2022

Grief Notes - 16.02.22

At night when you're alone with your thoughts, and the night air is still and quiet, and all the buzz and bustle have died down, and the world is asleep (at least at your side), I sometimes wonder the thoughts that float up to your consciousness.

I wonder, do you think of mum or do you force those thoughts away? I wonder, how are you taking this loss?

I remember saying this in one of our chats,

"Wish I know how best to comfort you this period...,"

and you had responded with "Crying on your shoulders or lap."

I do wish I could give you this. I cannot fully know a person to the dots and tittles, but Queenie, you can push away your hurt to take care of others.

I know how you've been up and about these past few weeks, and with the overwhelming calls and visits and activities in your house this period, I get concerned about you sometimes.

I see and hear of how you still go about with work and activities. Queenie dear, with all honesty, I can't say this way or that way is how you should go about things at this time of grief.

The loss of a loved one is not something we learn how to handle because it hits us all differently. Coping with all the new and strange feelings and emotions is also different for us all. So however you walk through this grief, it's okay.

There's no right or wrong way to grieve, dearie. You mentioned that you want to take ice cream and go to the movies, dress up colourfully and go out of the house. If you get the chance, please do them and feel okay with doing them.

I see that you still question sometimes too. "Is mum truly dead? Can she be gone just like that?"

The answer, though obvious, may sometimes be hard for you to accept and come to terms with, and it's okay. She isn't just anybody. She's your mum and holds a very special place in your heart and life.

Grieve however it pleases you, my love. I'll be here, like the ever-present air, walking with you through it all.