Constantly Recurring (Perpetually Series #3)

23

Chapter 23

TW: Emotional Abuse

"Nilalagnat ka Charlotte! Hindi kita sasamahang umuwi. Ano bang gagawin mo dun? We're supposed to spend time with Lola" He said. Pinapagalitan niya ako sa kwarto ko.

Pumayag si Mama na umuwi ako dahil sabi ko ay school-related pero dapat kasama ko si Charles.

"Uuwi talaga ako kahit wala ka Charles kung di mo'ko tutulungan" sabi ko

"Ano bang nangyayari sayo?" Halos tumaas na ang boses n'ya "Yung totoo"

Lumapit ako sa kanya at hinawakan ko ang kamay n'ya "Charles.. Kyler broke up with me"

Napapikit siya at napahilamos sa muka "Charlotte naman" he looks frustrated

"He blocked me in all of his social medias and everything.. I have no way to contact him Charles" sabi ko "I can't do this Charles.. Hindi ko kaya.. parang awa mo na. Nanghihina ako"

"May sakit ka Charlotte!" He said

Umiling ako "I don't care"

"I'm gonna pack my things. Bahala na" sabi ko.. hindi niya ako mapipigilan. Konti lang ang ini-unpack. Kumuha ako ng damit na susuotin ko. D-Deretso na ako kila Kyler.. kailangan maayos ako tignan.

Pagkalabas ko sa banyo.. nag iimpake na din si Charles

"Sa tingin mo pababayaan kita mag isa?" Lumabas siya sa kwarto para hayaan ako mag bihis

Bumyahe kaming dalwa ni Charles pabalik sa bahay. I told him na d-deretso ako sa kanila pero tumango lang sya. Mukang galit sakin. Hindi niya ako pinansin buong byahe. Iniwan nya lang ako sa terminal at sinabing tawagan ko nalang sya pag kailangan. Tapos mag alarm daw ako sa gamot dahil hindi niya na daw 'yun ipapaalala. I thanked him pero tinalikuran niya lang ako. Galit talaga siya sakin.

Tinext ko ang Ate ni Kyler kung andudun ba sya. Sinabi n'yang oo. Kaya pumunta na agad ako.

I know how my desperate my move is pero hindi ko talaga kaya

Siya lang ang meron ako.

Nagatagpo ang mga mata namin. Nagdidilig siya ng mga halaman.

"Anong ginagawa mo dito?" Tanong niya...

"Kyler please mag usap tayo" sabi ko "Gagawin ko lahat please"

"Diba nasabi ko na na wag mo na ako kausapin o lapitan kahit kailan? Ayaw na kita makita Charlotte, hindi pa ba malinaw yun sa'yo?" Sabi niya "Umuwi kana. Wala kang mapapala dito"

Tumulo ang luha ko. Sabay sa sakit ng ulo ang sakit sa puso.

"Kyler kahit usap lang.. pagbigyan mo naman ako oh" sabi ko "Sorry nagkamali ako.. sorry sorry" Mali naman talaga ako. Masyado akong praning. Masyado ako nagooverthink.

"Hindi na kita mahal Charlotte. Alam mo namang mas lumalamang yung libog ko sayo e"

Nagmakaawa ako ng ilang oras n'on hanggang sa inaya niya ako sa kwarto niya. He kissed me but he has cold eyes. Bumalik siya sakin but.. He's not sweet and.. everything changed since then. Umuwi nalang ako dahil may lagnat ako. May sakit ako noon e. Hindi niya ako hinatid dahil nahihiya siya sa mga pinsan niya. Baka makita kami...

Pinunasan ko ang luha ko pagkagising.

It's approaching October. Malapit na ang birthday ko— namin ni Charles pati si Cal. Madalas nang maging busy si Cal pagkatapos nung Intrams but he sees me at least once a week. Okay lang naiintindihan ko. Hindi naman ako high maintenance friend.

Everything is great except my nightmares...

Mas napadalas ito ngayong linggo... kung kelan naman exam week ko....

I summoned my uniform and groom up. I brushed my hair and look at myself in the face. Napapikit ako.. ano bang nangyayari sakin?

Pagkababa ko.. I was stunned when Calvin was there.. having breakfast with my family.

"Good morning" he smiled

It's as if the sun shines again. After a big ol storm.

I was about to ask him what is he doing here but it sounds like Kyler. I don't want him to feel unwelcome so I waved at him back. Umupo ako sa tabi niya... katabi niya si Mama.

Kilala na siya ni Mama dahil sa dalas ng punta niya dito. My siblings likes him and they spend time with him as well. He spent time with my siblings more than Kyler spent time with them.

I shrugged.. I don't want to compare them anymore..

My heart feels heavy. Am I gonna take the exam with heavy heart?

"Is everything alright?" Calvin asked while we were in the car. He's not starting it yet "Are you nervous about your exam?"

My eyes started to get watery because everytime Calvin does that little things, ask about it.. do little gestures. I could feel that I'm not in the past anymore. That I'm very alive.

The trauma is constantly recurring but he's the one dragging me back to reality. He dragged me to the present. Having him feels so so wrong and right at the same time. I haven't assessed what I feel about him but I'm sure it's something else that I should probably think about later on. My initial goal is to fix myself.

"I'm good" pinunasan ko ang luha ko. Natigilan si Calvin.. at humarap sakin.

"You know that it's okay to be vulnerable around me... right?" He asked with deep sincerity in his eyes "What are we worrying about, Charlotte?"

Tears started to fall because I just felt really cared for. It feels so unreal. I buried my head into his chest and started sobbing. He was stunned at first but he relaxed himself to hug me. He's caressing my back and my head.

I felt safe and sound for just that moment. That moment... I didn't cared for anything in the world. I don't care if anyone sees me crying. The hug Calvin gave makes me feel alive... it makes me feel like I'm not an object. Like I'm not some sort of thing you could just use and not use when not needed. That I'm not an insurance policy that you have so that you could be sure of your future...

I slowly calmed down. I felt sorry with how much I soak his uniform.. I was rubbing it with my handkerchief but then he cupped my face and met my eyes.

I always repeat this over and over, but I'm not exaggerating when I say that there's sunshine in his eyes.

He never failed to make my heart flutter

"I care for you so much Charlotte" he said "I hate to see you hurting over things I have no idea about.. but I like seeing you being human around me..."

He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. I buried my face on his chest once again and hugged him properly. I could hear his heartbeat.. and I could feel mine.

Suddenly, all our worries wiped away