Constantly Recurring (Perpetually Series #3)

07

Chapter 07

Kyler was staring to my eyes. It looks like he's studying it. Nakaupo kami ngayon sa kotse nya at nakapark sa isang park. Tahimik lang ako nagbabasa kanina at tunog lang ng kung ano mang mobile games na nilalaro ni Kyler ang naririnig ko. Pero ngayon binitawan ko na ang libro ko dahil nakatingin na siya sakin.

"Try mo na kasi mag games" sabi ni Kyler sakin. I gave him a small smile. Kahit anong try ko talaga sa aspect na 'yun, di ko talaga kaya. Di ako magaling. I tried for him before but I didn't got the gist of it quite well.

"Hindi talaga ako marunong e" sabi ko

"Ayaw mo yun streamer couple tayo" pabirong sabi niya "Yun talaga ang pangarap ko e. Gusto ko kumita ng malaki sa gaming"

Nginitian ko siya "I'm sure you'll do well. I support you"

"Come here babe" Kyler said. He pulled himself to me and kissed me on the lips. It wasn't the first time we had kissed. We kissed before. He was the one who introduced me to these things.

He practically sucked my breath and when he's done kissing me.. he played with my hair.

"I'll give you a good life.. babawi ako sayo pag may trabaho na ako sa gaming. Pag pasensyahan mo na kung napapabayaan ko pag aaral ko" he kissed my forehead "Goal ko makabili ng condo at kotse bago mag 25 para sating dalwa. Tulungan mo'ko mag ipon ah?"

Tumango ako. Pero hindi ko masabi na gusto ko ng sariling condo. Gusto ko manirahan mag isa at bumuo ng sarili kong buhay. Kasama naman siya. Pero iyon talaga ang pangarap ko. I want to live independently but it may offend him kasi pangarap niya 'yun.

"Malay mo magawa natin yun bago mag 25 'no.. tapos magkakaanak tayo" bulong niya

Napatigil ako

"Anak bago mag 25? Magpapakasal agad tayo?" I curiously asked. Alam ko namang wala pa. Pero masyado pang maaga kung ganon. Madami pa akong gustong tuparin sa buhay. Bumigat ang loob ko. Naramdaman ko ang pagka one sided ng mga gusto niyang mangyari. Hindi niya tinatanong kung ano gusto ko mangyari.

"Pede naman tayo magka-anak bago ikasal" sabi niya. Kumunot ang noo ko "Willing ka naman diba?"

Hindi. Hindi ako willing. I know there's nothing wrong with it but it's my personal preference to have a child after marriage— or not have a child at all. It hurts that he doesn't ask.

"Bakit di ka sumasagot?" Tanong niya "Hindi ka willing? Wala kang tiwala sakin? Ano ba sa tingin mo.. tatakbuhan kita kung ganon?"

Kinabahan ako bigla. Hindi naman sa wala akong tiwala... I just want to have a proper security for the child kung magkakaron man. And I really want to get married first. So everything will flow and be rest assured. I want child perceiving to be a journey on the marriage.

"H-Hindi naman sa ganon" kinakabahan kong sambit

"Tangina ang sakit" he said "Tinatapakan mo pagkalalaki ko Charlotte. Tangina naman" I heard him shut the door

And it was the last time Kyler ever stared me with compassion again. I don't exactly know what happened. And how everything shift after that conversation.

I stiffened. I don't know why I kept remembering him these days. I feel like I was out of breath. Tuwing naalala ko ang mga karanasan na yun, I feel suffocated. It was like a dark dark place.

"How was school?" Tanong ni Calvin. It was like he saved me from a nightmare. He looked at me with his sunshine eyes.

Traffic kasi. Hindi ko napapansin na nakatulala na pala ako sa byahe. Normally I would read some books so I wouldn't mind the traffic. But all of a sudden, Kyler's memories haunt me again.

"Okay lang" sabi ko. Titigil na sana ako sa pagsasalita nang ma realize ko na nagi-initiate siya ng conversation. Should I ask back?

Yea... I should probably ask back..

"Ikaw?" It was weird engaging to a conversation with a new person

"Couldn't complain" he smiled "I missed Westhills though, is everything good there?"

"I guess" bulong ko.

"I'll pay a visit on intrams " he said "Are you gonna play for volleyball?"

I don't know what to tell him. Volleyball is a sore spot for me. It was my passion. But not anymore. I didn't practiced for a lot of years already.

"I don't play anymore" I say. He was confused. Of course, he was confused. Just a few weeks ago he was playing with me. But really, I don't think I'll ever play anymore. Last time I compete was elementary.

"Really? But you're good" he sounds encouraging. "You're really good"

"Inside a real game? I don't think so" sabi ko "It's just my stress reliever. Whenever I'm stressed, I play volleyball versus our backyard wall" sabi ko

"None of your friends know how to play?" Tanong niya. He seems innocent. I snorted.

"You think I have friends?"

It was satisfying how his emotions shifted to being worried that he might've offended me. I didn't mind. A normal person has friends, it's normal to assume I have some.

"Oh I'm sor—" I cut him off

"You say sorry too often" Puna ko "It's okay. Every person has friends. It just so happens I don't have a circle"

He sighed "Tell you what.. hold on" he summoned a sticky note and a pen from his bag "This is my number. Call me anytime you want to play volleyball. I'll play with you" he said

My heart ached in a good way. My stomach is twisted and I felt a weird something on my eye. It's just that... i've never heard that before.

I'll play with you. Sounds like a six year old kid earning a new friend. But it feels good. Weirdly. I mean, I don't have an excellent EI.. and I cannot even assess my emotions properly but I know for a fact that I'm happy. And I feel.. alive.

Gusto kong itanong kung paano kung may klase siya, makakaabala ba ako? Atsaka kung meron ba siyang bola. Paano kung wala pala akong dala. Edi wala kaming malalaro? At paano kung hindi pala ako satisfied sa volleyball skills n'ya?

And besides, why is he doing this? Is it out of pity? Or is he really just a kind person? Kyler told me before that I shouldn't easily give benefit of the doubt. Hindi lahat maganda ang intensyon. At habang totoo 'yun, hindi ko ma apply iyon kay Cal. He's really a good person. Proven and tested.

"Why are you doing this?" I finally asked

"I'll be the friend" he say. Genuineness is evident within his eyes "And I will try to be a good one"

There's literally nothing interesting about me. He must be really just kind. It's weird being friends with another guy again.. but he's a good person. A friend is a friend regardless the gender... right? I took a deep breath

"Okay" I respond

He smiled "Okay"