GUILTY

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R


I grew up having my father by my side. He's a father and a best friend to me since I was born in South Korea. My mom died while delivering me into the world for some complications with her heart. My dad poured out all the love in me ever since that day. I even teased us that we are the real life 'Miracle in cell no.7" movie and it only differs because my dad doesn't have any mental disabilities. I mean he is literally normal. He even tried many different jobs when we left South Korea and moved in Thailand to moved forward and have a refresh start.

At the age of 52, my dad settled being a cab driver that could cover the monthly rent, bills and my school expenses.It's been 16 years since it was me and my father all along but we are happy.

I will be a hypocrite if I will say that I do not envy the Princess that keeps on appearing on television with her royal parents. I  remember when I was 9 years old, I always run my way home from school just to be on time when the 4pm released of the reality television season 3 on channel 5 where they feature the 8 year old princess having the time of her life. I kind of pity her when she said in an interview with her cute little voice that she has no friends except their gardener's and butler's son. I will make sure that I watched it from start until the end and do the house chores and assignments after. I found myself fan-girling at her throughout the years  until I reached my teen age and even news about her made me excite to watch.

Birthdays. Holidays, Thanks giving or other special events it were only me and my father. After his 53rd birthday, my father has been diagnosed of chronic heart attack that can lead to death if he will skip his medicine or do things that's been forbidden him to do especially drinking alcoholic drinks. My dad kept what the doctor's told him in every single detail for me.

One time when the 6 pm of a Friday night turned, my jolly father went home with an unknowing look. He looked stressed and frustrated. All his actions were in panic and I couldn't help but to got nervous for being unusual.

He quickly pull out the luggage bag that's been unused for years since we left South Korea and started to put some clothes of him in an urgent manner.

"d-dad?" I asked and hold his hand.

"what's happening?" He blinked his eyes when he noticed my presence and forced a smile at me while his sweats dripping down on his face in a cold night.

"Is everything okay?" I unconsciously asked.

"Y-yeah..of course baby" He said as he sits on my bed the we used to share for many years but since I got my periods when I was 12, he started to sleep at the couch on our little living room. My dad pull out some cash inside his wallet and stood up and got something inside his dresser.

He pulled out  square can and gave it to me. It was used to be a biscuit can but when it got empty, he used it as savings can for the future.

"honey.. you have to listen to me okay?" He started. His hands and lips are shaky and his voice was raspy.

"I..I will just go back to south Korea but I will be back i promise.. I will just need to fix something.. I will be back..Always remember that I will never do something that will hurt you " He said and kissed my temple. I felt a liquid dropped on my side and I know something's not right. he quickly stood up and packed without waiting for my response.

He quickly got out of the room and stops himself when he reached the main door and turned around to gave me one tight hug. I didn't knew that it was the last one cause everything went fast as I found myself hiding on my room after three months without my father on my side from the land lady that keeps yelling at me  for almost two months on not paying my rent and bills.

"this is the last warning Roseanne! Tell your dad this! After a week I will be back and make sure to have my money or leave my apartment or I will call the police!" She said and I knew every apartment on that building heard what she said. I look for a job but no one allowed me to work because I am a foreigner and I am still under-age.

After three days of looking for a job, I finally found one! An old bookstore from the city hired me to be a housekeeper to maintain the cleanliness of the store which looks older than me. She pays me that only cover my daily food and a little savings but with 4 days allotted time from the land lady,  it wasn't enough.

After a long day at work, I went home and find four policemen searching inside my apartment like thieves.

"Your father killed a poor little girl and if you know where he is, I'm sure the Royal family will reward you a big amount of money" One of the police said as they whispering to each other and found it funny while I cried myself from their rudeness.

That day, I locked myself again and let myself got starve all day from crying. The next day, I saw again the two policemen roaming around like they are guarding the whole building if my dad will come home. That night, I left a note at my father's favorite jacket hoping he will read it to know my whereabouts before I left and luckily there's still some people that's been concerned with me. i  lived at the bookstore's attic and stop schooling to saved the little money i earned for everyday and used it to look for my dad.

One day, the news came out and saw my dad's been captured by the police. Aunt Maeng, the old lady owner who's been living alone, never knew that the man on the news was my dad. The day after, I went to the jail and saw my superhero who is now petite and old. He release a tear as soon as he saw me across him with the glass in our middle.


We cried and talk until the time of my visit ends. And there, I found out what really happened. Knowing my dad, I know he was telling me the truth but I did everything but that leads me nowhere and still, my dad convicted guilty and sentenced to life in prison.

The money I saved brought me here in South Korea again and went back to our first home. I found myself standing in front of the house that used to be my parent's sweet home. But with hunger and stressed I've been dealing with, I found myself awaken with familiar room but with a different owner. It was the Kim's. I met Jisoo and Jennie.

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"you mean this is your first home?" Jisoo asked me after I told them everything. Jisoo  holds my hand while listening beside me. Lisa been standing the whole time looking out the window without any words coming out of her lips but I know she is listening intently too. Jennie who keeps on crying is sitting on a single couch across her mom who smiled at me .

"you are a strong woman Roseanne" Mrs. Kim said.







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