SPANDEX | Wade Wilson

。five 。

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"Gulp as I swim."
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"Oh, dungarees! I bought beer!"

Wade slammed Alina's apartment door closed, glancing around the place with a grin as he placed the pack of beer on her counter. It was a small apartment, bedroom attached to the living room while there were two doors for the bedroom and her bathroom.

The mercenary walked over to her settee, and sat himself down, grabbing the remote and flicking the Tv on, groaning as he realised he'd have to put in a DVD himself. He did so before his eyebrows furrowed, looking at the piece of black fabric that lay shoved under her armchair.

"Spandex?" Wade asked himself with a chuckle, picking up the suit to reveal a black super suit with a belt around the middle that had a red hourglass attached. "Are you secretly a superhero? Maybe a stripper? Lina?"

"What?" The Russian questioned, walking out of her bedroom and Wade held the suit to his body.

"I don't think it's my style. I'm not a spandex kinda gal." He mused, posing. "What d'you think?"

"I think you should stop." Alina chuckled, snatching the suit from his body to throw it in her room. "And that your ass would look great in that suit."

"It definitely would. What was that for?" Wade quizzed as she grabbed them both a beer. "Are you a stripper?"

"No. Halloween a few years ago." Alina lied, joining him on the settee. "I found it unpacking a box."

"Did you try it on?" Wade gasped. "And to think I thought you couldn't get sexier. You added spandex to the list."

"It's not spandex." Alina grumbled, throwing a bag of popcorn at him.

"It's spandex." Wade grinned, pulling it open. "I bet your ass looks great in it."

"Oh, it does." Alina hummed and Wade went to speak. "You will never see me wear it."

"Boring." Wade pouted, pressing play.

"Star Wars, again? That is boring." Alina told him, snatching a few pieces of popcorn.

"I'm gonna pretend you didn't just say that to me." Wade mused. "Gonna block it out before I cry."

"Okay, Wade, you do that." Alina smiled, leaning against him a little, placing her lips by his ear. "It's still shit."

"Say it in Russian." Wade whispered.

"это все еще дерьмо." Alina grinned and he gasped.

"I'm still offended but slightly turned on." Wade mumbled to her as she moved back, still leaning on him.

"What is the point of these films?" Alina questioned, looking at the screen with furrowed eyebrows.

"To provoke incest?" Wade guessed. "And big light up sticks. What colour would you want? I'd want red."

"Aren't they the bad people?" Alina asked and he shrugged. "But purple. Definitely. Because it's the best colour on there."

"It's a sexy moth attractor." Wade agreed

"Moths would make these films much more interesting." Alina mused. "Seeing the one with the helmet and the were calculator suit-"

"-Darth Vader-"

"-yes, him. Seeing him have to pause fighting to bat away moths would make me interested." Alina finished with a firm nod.

"But then he would be killed immediately." Wade argued.

"Yes, but it would be funnier." Alina scoffed.

"That's not the point of th- What? These aren't supposed to be funny, you know? Just provoke incest and big slug people." Wade chuckled.

"I know, but at least I could laugh. Right now, I just want to sleep. They are such boring people." Alina continued with a smile. "Watching paint dry is more amusing to me, Wade."

"Are you secretly Darth Vader. You have no heart. Maybe it shrank three sizes, Grinch." Wade joked.

"No, the Grinch hates Christmas. I hate everything." Alina replied. "Minus crocs."

"Rubber masterbating shoes." Wade corrected her.

"Never mind, I hate crocs too now. Thank you." Alina muttered, throwing popcorn at him, chucking at the stupid smirk on his face. "Stop smirking. The window's open, your face will stick like that."

"Ah, okay Stevie Wonder and her superstitious." Wade snorted and she slapped his thigh. "Kinky."

"You are very annoying." Alina commented with a grin. "Like a puppy. Annoying but too nice to hate."

"Aw, you're going soft." Wade grinned.

"No, I'm drunk." Alina argued.

"You haven't drank today." Wade scoffed.

"Yes, I have. I have stash under my bed." Alina smiled.

"Oh, let me guess. Vodka?" Wade hummed and she gave a little shrug. "Predictable. I'm convinced you're part vodka at this point. It's all that's in your veins."

"Oh, it is. No blood, just pure Smirnoff." Alina nodded. "My heart runs off it."

"At least I know what to get you for your birthday." Wade nodded. "100 bottles of vodka."

"Sounds like heaven. I'm gonna swim in it." The Russian sighed. "Gulp as I swim."

"Have a bath of vodka and instead of having bubbles, have salt and lemon." Wade mumbled.

"That's tequila." Alina stated.

"Smart ass."

"Not my fault you're stupid."

Alina laughed at Wade's expression before the mercenary poured the bag of popcorn over her, quickly moving away when she got up. The assassin almost felt bad that this was a mission and only a mission. Wade was fun and she could feel herself liking him but forced herself not to.

Since coming here, Alina had barely been in contact with the Red Room because Dreykov thought they could be caught. Howe ever, it had been around one and a half mints since any contact which was strange. He would use some form of letter at least once a month. She premised he was busy, unknowing her sister had taken down the Red Room with Clint Barton.

{932}