Marvel Oneshots/ ScarJo,Lizzie Olsen&Florence Pugh

iloveyou3000

Based on a poem I wrote!

Short angsty and very much painful

Warnings: Nats death, suicide attempt, lots of crying, very much emotional, selfharm

y/n has she/they pronouns in this

Not spell checked

PoV Y/N

Oh my god.. i still didnt know what to do. I couldnt go to that funeral.. it would break me even more.. why hadnt she let me jump? Why did she always have to be the hero? Why did she do that?

She had told me she did it out of love, because people taught her that love was for children. she wanted to prove them wrong. And what did it cost her? Her stupid, precious life..

"y/n? sweetheart, can i come in?" asked yelena, my wife's sister. "HmHm" I mumbled, my words stuck in my throat, caught up in sobs. Silently, Yelly came in and closed the door after herself. "Hey, are you ready?" she asked with a small smile, putting a necklace around my neck. Eyes filled with tears, i shook my head.

Just a few days we had Tonys funeral, it was very emotional, some people i didnt even know had been there. But today it would only be Clint, Yelena, wanda and me. It was something that i never thought would happen. She had always been so strong, she had been strong to her last seconds. I can still feel her lips lingering on mine as she kissed me goodbye. And then she did it. She pushed herself off of me, falling deeper and deeper until her frame had hit the ground. Not a minute after, i was stood on vormir, the stone in my hand and breaking down in heart shattering sobs.

Since that day, i had never been myself. I locked myself in my bedroom, had stopped eating until Yelena and wanda got me out, forcing me to eat as i wouldve died if i didnt. But that was what i wanted. I couldnt be without Nat. I couldnt survive another day in the house we used to live together, spend one more minute intoxicated my the smell of her that still lingered in the air, the clothes and that kept the memories of her in my mind 24/7.

"come on, the faster we get there, the faster it is over yeah?" yelena asked, taking my hand and pulled me out of the room. I wore the black dress that nat had loved so much, and put on my jacket, swallowing hard. I looked down the whole time as Yelena brought me to her car, taking Fanny with us.

After we got to our destination, a graveyard in the middle of a pretty forest, the both of us got out, already seeing Clint and wanda standing at the grave.

(I will spare you the details rn)

A few weeks after the funeral, i had only gotten out of my room to go to the bathroom, and to go to nats grave. A few times, Yelena had caught me, harming myself. She stopped talking about how painful it was, how bad it was for me. She sighed, bandaging my arms and legs everxtime she saw new cuts. Yelena wasnt happy with my current state, as she noticed that it was getting worse and worse everyday. after a while, she was more and more scared of also losing her newly found best friend.

Right now, i was sitting at natashas grave, crying, talking to her and writing again. Before she had died, she always admired my poems, and so i kept writing. But they just got darker, deeper and more painful.

"Hey Natty baby, i wrote a new poem, do you wanna hear it? I quite like it actually" I sai das i got out my poem book.

"People taught you

that love was for children

but yet

you cannot take your eyes of them.

you look at her

and think "i can just be"

i know it.