A Court of Sun and Flame

CHAPTER FIVE

"I find it near impossible to drown out the constant cacophony of voices whispering in my ear, telling me I am evil. I'm drowning, doctor!"
~ Lucifer Morningstar

TRIGGER WARNING: TRAUMA AND PTSD

I really didn't think that one through. After attacking Tamlin I was taken by the guards back to my room and now I'm trapped in here. I've gone from one prison to another. Granted this was my fault, but you don't isolate someone from the world, especially out of fear. That's letting the fear win.

Feyre was obviously going through her own trauma and trying to deal with it and instead of being understanding and trying to support her through it the bastard pushed her over her limit. He had no consideration for her feelings and obviously still doesn't if he thinks she can forgive him that easy. How could she come back here? How can she face him so easily? He destroyed her. And yet she seemed to have been healed when she was at the castle.

If she can be fixed, then does that mean that there is still hope for me? No, I can't think like that. I can't let hope in. Yes, I'm free of Him. Yes, I'm what one would consider safe. Yes, I've seen daylight. But I will not let hope in. Not until I know it can't be ripped from me.

I spent the next few hours sitting on the bed processing everything that has happened in the last few days. I was so engrossed in my thought I hadn't noticed the sun disappearing from sight. I walk to the window and observe the sky. It's not as pretty as what the Night Court has to offer, but I'll take it. I miss looking up at the night sky and watching the stars. Me and mum would always risk the creatures that roamed the woods near our camp.

Once a week we would leave the camp just so I could enjoy the stars. As soon as the first tear fell, I looked away from the window wiping my face. One day I'll be able to enjoy the night sky again. I'll be able to enjoy the stars again.

I go back to the bed with the intention of sleeping but the door opening stops me. There is a female at the door with a tray, she looks at me and raises the tray saying, "I thought you might be hungry. Lucien said to do a small portion for you."

She tries to give me a smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes, I return the smile though watching as she put the tray on the table, "Thank you. I don't mean to be abrupt or rude, but what is your name?"

She looks at me with questioning eyes, "Alis, and you weren't rude or abrupt don't worry."

Maybe she knew of where I came from. It's been a while since I've interacted with so many people. I guess I'm a bit rusty. I nod my head in appreciation, which she takes as her queue to leave. Before leaving the room she takes another look at me, almost as if checking to see if she was right in an assumption she made.

"You look like him," I tilt my head as if asking her to go on "Lucien, I mean. The resemblance is uncanny. Like twins," my eyes go wide at this, "my that couldn't be possible, could it?" The glint in her eyes suggests that she knows what she is saying. I continue to stare at the door even after she is gone. Forgetting about the tray of food, as new questions flood my mind. Lying back on the bed the thought of having not only a brother, but a twin lulls me to sleep. Like everything was beginning to click into place.

"Mum! Mummy! Wake up! Please! Wake up! I need you!" I keep pushing her body in hopes that she'll move. That she will wake up laughing as if this was all some cruel joke. But deep down I know she won't.

They killed her. They killed my mum. She did nothing wrong and they killed her. I lie my head on her chest and scream in agony at the loss of the woman who raised me. The woman who gave life to me. Who tried to ensure that I had a happy childhood.