Ash's Darling | ✔

Chapter 58

~Esther~

"Mae?" Ash spoke, breaking the silence that had surrounded us for the last hour. We hadn't moved from our spot on the floor. Ash was still holding me while I laid my head on his shoulder and let my tears fall.

I lifted my head to look at him, waiting for him to go on. "What would you think of going to therapy?" He asked.

"I don't know." I sighed. I'd thought about it before but recently I thought my mental health wasn't bad enough to get therapy along with the whole money thing. I can't exactly make my parents pay for it since I knew they wouldn't and I didn't have a job at the moment. "I don't have the money for it. Maybe once I get a job."

"I didn't ask if you could pay for it, darling. My question is would you be willing to go?"

I shook my head. "Ash, you're not paying for my therapy. You shouldn't have to deal with that."

"Esther, this isn't me 'dealing with it'. I'm paying for your therapy because I want to help you. That's what I'm here for." He cupped the side of my face. "Let me help."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before opening them and looking back to Ash's eyes. "Okay."

"You'll go?" He asked quickly and I could see the hope filling his eyes.

"I'll try." I nodded, letting out a breathy laugh when I was pulled into his body.

"Thank fuck." He kissed my shoulder before letting me pull away from his body only to be pulled back in when he connected our lips. "Let's get you cleaned up." He pulled back and stood up.

I moved to stand up but before I could Ash's hands picked me up by my waist and set me on the counter. He opened the cabinet on the wall behind me, pulling out gauze pads and grabbing a washcloth from the shelf behind him.

He wet the washcloth in the sink before ringing it out and wiping the dried blood off my wrist. Now that the blood was washed off I could see how small the cuts were. They were only about an inch long although in the moment they had felt longer. I started to think I should've made them longer but I quickly shook myself out of my thoughts, knowing it was bad enough that I cut, I didn't need to make them longer.

Ash lifted my wrist to his lips and softly kissed the fresh cuts. "No more, okay?" He asked, glancing from my face to wrist a few times.

I nodded. "I'm sorry."

------

"What?"

"Please tell me you're joking."

Indi and Josie spoke at the same time. I called them a few minutes ago to tell them I relapsed. I had been too scared to tell them everything as soon as they both joined the facetime call so I let them start talking about whatever they wanted to before randomly blurting it out. Granted, it probably wasn't the best way to go about it but if I had done it any other way I would've psyched myself out.

"Esther, are you serious?" Indi asked.

I nodded, looking at both of their faces on the screen. Both of them were pale and wore the same expression; shock.

"I'm so sorry, Esther." Josie started apologizing. "I could tell something was wrong the past two weeks but I didn't want to push you to tell me anything. I should've. I'm sorry."

Before I could tell her it wasn't her fault Indi joined in on apologizing. "Oh shit. Ash noticed. Ash noticed and he wanted me to help you but I didn't. I mean I tried but I brushed it off after that because I thought you were fine."

"Indi-" I tried to interrupt her but she wasn't listening.

"I told him you were fine, Esther. I'm so sorry, I should've tried harder. I should've paid more attention."