"are you two very excited?", I lay them both down on my lap "here you go?", I placed the bottles in their mouths, their suckling noises making me giggle, as always
"how are you feeling darling?", holland smiled softly joining me on the couch
"I feel really good about this", I nodded assuringly
"I'm glad"
"and they seem to like formula just as much.. and I can have more alcohol"
"oh now that's the real joy", holland kissed me, smiling into the capture of our lips
--
"okay my little sunshines, ready?", I kneeled on the floor, keeping one on each side
"darling I'm home", holland called, beginning to walk though
"okay, go", I let go of their little bodies and the minute they saw holland they crawled towards her
"oh my little ones! you're crawling.. oh my darlings", holland dropped to the floor with arms wide, waiting for them to reach her "my beautiful girls", she held them close once they had reached her, Alice standing against holland with her support while Lorelei balanced on her lap "oh mamma is so proud of you", she kissed them both
--
"happy birthday dear Alice and Lorelei happy birthday to you", all of our family and friends sang "yay!", they all clapped and cheers, the babies mimicking their clapping
"happy birthday mamma", I turned to holland
"happy birthday darling", she kissed me softly with just a hint of passion
"is that yummy sweet peas?", I giggled at the girls grabbing at the little cupcakes in front of them, placing the frosting in their mouths "you two are getting very messy aren't you?"
"I just can't believe they're a year old", mom came up to me hugging me tightly
"the greatest year of my life", I spoke into her embrace
"and you start work in three weeks, my god! are you excited?"
"I'm dying to get back to work, holland been at work for six months now, so it'll be refreshing to socialise.. but I'm going to miss being with them all the time.. my little sunshines"
--
"hey, hey Alice look at me", holland spoke, holding up Alice who was standing on her stomach babbling about "can you say mamma.. mamma, Alice say mamma"
"mamm", she smiled
"no mamma, ma-mma.. come on darling say mamma"
"mamma"
"what did she just say?", I sat up abruptly along with holland
"Alice say mamma"
"mamma", she reached out her arms to holland "mamma"
"yes that's right sweetheart, mamma", holland hugged her tightly "I'm your mamma", she beamed
"Alice say mamma", I repeated
"mamma"
"oh darling girl", I kissed her forehead hard "they're growing up so fast", I whimpered, getting emotional at Alice snuggling into holland smiling brightly
"darling", holland kissed me
"mamma", Alice said again, wriggling out of Hollands arms and crawling over to me
--
"one step, good girl, and two steps", I kept counting while holding Loreleis hands while she was trying to walk "I think it's time for bed, don't you?", I picked her as she quickly started crying "let's go ladies"
"darling can I talk to you for a moment?", holland called out from the bedroom
"hi", I crawled over to sit beside her
"I want to talk to you about work and everything"
"did you pack? because we won't have anytime before the plane tomorrow", I warned
"yes I did sweetheart", holland nodded but then remained silent for a little to long, making me impatient
"holland what's going on?"
"I'm just going to say it straight up, because I've been thinking about this for months and-"
"holland, just tell me", I spoke kindly taking her hand into mine
"I think we should move to Los Angeles", she blurted
"what?"
"we would still keep this house of course for little trips here and there, but honey.. I mean, you start back at work in a few days, and we'll be filming for months at a time, only to be filming again soon after.. then comes the premieres and the award shows and all the insane events that come with your career"
"but we live here-"
"I just think it would be easier.. once we are both back at work we will barely be here, and I don't want to be staying in hotels all the time with the twins.. darling you know more than anything that I love New York, but our life had changed so much and-"
"so Los Angeles.. but we keep this place?"
"mmhmm, it will forever be our escape place when you're not filming.... we need the girls to have a home, I don't want them growing up in a hotel room, darling I love you but we will drive each other insane if we are all living in a small room"
"I hate to say it but I think you're right", I swallowed after a moment of silence "it's just not functional now that there's four of us"
"I know that your life dream was to live in New York, and I don't want to move if you're going to be unhappy", holland cupped my cheek
"I still accomplished that dream holland, and the best part of it was moving here with you and getting to have our girls here, but we can always come back and.. it's time for us to move, it feels like the right transition"
"oh my darling girl", holland kissed me deeply "I love you"
"I love you more"
"I love you most"
"impossible"
"nothings impossible"
I'm sorry that the chapters have been pretty shitty lately
THATS MY FAULT!!
love you all XX
