"mamma", Lorelei cried
"I know my sweet girl.. mamma will be right back", I cooed, rocking her back and fourth, while Alice fussed in her crib
"oh darling", holland sighed, taking Lorelei into her arms "it's okay my love", holland kissed her forehead, letting her snuggle into her neck
"Sarah on set in five!", was heard from outside the trailer
"honey I-"
"it's okay go, I've got them", holland gave me a quick kiss before I had to leave.
the minute I closed the door behind me a deep breath left my lips. I inhaled slowly looking up to the sky, stopping my tears from spilling before plastering on a smile as I walked along side Ryan to set.
--
"hi darling", holland smiled from the couch while feeding the girls
"I'm starving", I huffed, sitting down where holland had got me dinner
"how did it go?"
"I think it went okay", I nodded
"well I heard from a little bird that you've been incredible"
"and who would that little bird be?"
"Ryan", holland chuckled
"can mommy have a little cuddle?", I moved to the couch, once they stopped feeding "my little sunshine", I picked up Lorelei kissing her little head, only for her to start crying "it's mommy baby, come on", I tired to make eye contact but she only screamed louder, reaching out for holland
"come here princess", holland took her, making Lorelei relax at their first touch "it's okay honey, it's just all a little confusing"
"yeah.. I'm going to go get changed"
"darling they love you-"
"I'm fine", I lied moving to the other part of the trailer
The truth is that I wasn't fine.
Holland and I had been filming for about a month now, staying in a furnished rental as we looked for our own house. Ever since we got to Los Angeles the girls had become completely attached to holland, crying and screaming every time I went to hold them. Half of the time I was dressed as Marcia and the other half I was dressed as sally, and they didn't like it, they couldn't understand it. The only time that I could really hold them was when they're asleep, but because I'm filming eighteen hours a day I was missing everything, and I barely got that time.. that time to hold them, be with them, watch them.. love them. Holland had been truly incredible, taking the girls with her wherever she went, even into the writers room.
I loved being back at work.. but I miss my girls, all three of them. And not being able to hold them when I finally had a moment.. killed me.
"sweetheart, I put the girls in the car, are you nearly ready?", holland held me from behind as I stood, staring into the mirror
"yep", I whispered
"sweetheart, I know it's awful, but tomorrow you have your first day off since we got here and you know the girls love you when your not looking like someone else", holland giggled kissing my cheek
"I hope so"
--
"okay come with mamma", holland walked into the bedroom with one on each hip "say good morning mommy"
"hi my little sunshine", I nervously reached out my arms as holland got closer
"mamma", Alice giggled, falling into my lap
"hi my little one", I choked feeling tears fall "oh I've missed you so much", I pulled her into a big hug
"mamma", Lorelei crawled off of holland and onto my lap
"my beautiful girls", I bawled, squeezing them tight
"I told you they love you", Holland moved closer to wrap an arm around me "three more months and it'll be like this everyday"
"I can't wait", I beamed, melting at Loreleis' little hand wrapping around my finger
"are you excited to go check out the house again?"
"I am, I really think it could be the one", I kissed holland softly
"so do I"
--
"it's like they haven't seen you in a month", holland laughed as both the girls were tightly snuggling into me as I held them both
"I feel like I haven't seem them in a month.. did you miss your mommy? Hmm?"
"okay, so I'll let you two roam through like last time and you let me know if you have any questions?", the realestate agent greeted us into the door
"thank you"
holland and I took our time looking over every detail of this house situated in the Hollywood hills. It was our third time looking at the house and I fell more in love with it every time
"I really love it holland", I smiled biting my lower lip
"I do to", she nodded excitedly
"so?"
"so?...."
"I really want it"
"well then it's yours", holland captured my lips tightly
--
"girls please, it's me darling, please let me feed you", I spoke desperately, trying to sooth the screaming twins
"mamma", they cried
"I am your mamma, come on my angels, I'm right here", I picked them up, taking them to the couch
holland had to go for a meeting and I was on my break so I insisted on taking them.. only problem was, I was dressed as sally
"ah no let go mommys hair", I snapped "come one, shhhhh, it's okay, shhh", I breathed, the girls hushed once I gave them their bottles "it's okay, mommys here", I yawed
"hello my love", holland giddily walked through the door "darling they're supposed to have their bottles at twelve, it's almost one thirty"
"they were screaming and didn't want me to feed them", I replied in a tone of annoyance
"I'm sorry sweetheart, I should have taken them with me"
"no you shouldn't have, I'm their mother, they shouldn't be scared of me"
"they're confused princess, all of yesterday they didn't want to let you go", holland sat beside me resting her head on my shoulder
"how tight is scheduling at the moment?"
"pretty tight, why?"
"I don't know.. I just maybe.. I want just a few days off to be with them"
"I'll see if we can move a few things around for you my darling.... but we always knew this would be hard, next season I'll make sure that you look like yourself "
"thank you", I giggled
"I love you and they love you, and they're getting a bit better with Marcia, but sally still even freaks me out", holland kissed my cheek "they'll get used it, they're going to grow up with it"
"I just want to hold theme and not just when they're sleeping"
"just three more months my love"
I know it's sad but I find it kind of funny
like the girls getting scared of her
maybe I'm just mean that way!
love you all!
XX
