"Holland, I know you're there!", I called as I rang the door bell for the six time "I just want to talk", I said defeatedly
I sat down of the door step, taking deep breaths trying not to cry, but nothing could stop my tears from falling.
Only Holland could.
And she was gone.
She left me.
I took a moment, thinking of what I could do, I realised what holland had given me.
"come on holland pick up", I muttered under breath, as the phone began to ring.
I pulled the phone back from my ear for a moment, hearing ringing from inside her house, and she wasn't picking up.
She didn't want to.
I guess thats it.
I left, going back to New York.
Hopeless.
--
Holland pov
"Sarah?", I called walking through the house
I looked all over quickly realising that she wasn't there.
I couldn't imagine where she would be, probably went out, soaking up her sudden freedom.
I left, going back to Philadelphia.
Hopeless.
--
Sarah pov
"Ms.Paulson, you left early", spoke the doorman
"yeah, how has your day been so far?", I smiled
"good same old people, you know the drill, say hi to Ms.Taylor for me"
"um, she doesn't live here anymore", I spoke not letting myself uncover my sadness
"well she came back after you left", he shrugged in confusion
"when?", I stuttered blankly
"maybe an hour after you, then she left, she looked upset", he explained
"thank you", I breathed rushing back to my car "hello?", I spoke into my phone hoping it was holland
"Sarah honey have you checked your mail?, I haven't heard from you in a week", Ryan asked through the other line
"no I haven't sorry", I said standing in from of my car, ready to get in
"well you need to be at the airport in two hours, the ticket is there. We need you back in LA right now!", he instructed
"I can't Ryan, I have to-"
"Sarah this is an opportunity of a life time", he cautioned before hanging up
"fuck", I muttered under my breath, walking back into the building
I will just go to back to Holland as soon as I don't have to be in LA anymore
--
"Lana winters", I spoke looking at Ryan
"she's a journalist who gets stuck in the asylum", he said as the rest of the cast and I sat around a big table with our scripts
"but she's the lead?", I said bluntly
"yeah, there is no one more perfect for this role than you", he nodded, before continuing on with the rest of the cast
I stared down at the script smiling, a lead role, I couldn't believe it.
"are there any questions before we start reading?", Ryan asked snapping me out of my thoughts
"when will we begin filming?", I spoke up
"well I think..", he said looking at his team "the next two weeks will just be rehearsals and costume fittings"
"yeah, we will then send you all of four a couple of days while we prepare the sets and things like that", Added Brad
"two weeks", I repeated in my head, "it's just two weeks", I breathed
--
"That was a great a rehearsal today, we will being filming tomorrow", Ryan spoke after wrapping up for the day
"Ryan I thought we had a few days off?", I walked up to him
"change of schedule, there is now a deadline for when the season needs to be finished", he spoke
"but I-"
"Sarah honey, I'm sorry but you're the only one that doesn't live in LA, we can't revolve our schedule around you", he smiled sympathetically but cautiously
"Ryan please I just-"
"Sarah may I remind you your place for a moment", he snapped "you're 24, this is your second job ever, I can easily replace you, Don't make this hard for yourself", he said fiercely before walking off
I took a few deep breathes before returning to the hotel.
he was right, I don't have any power
- three months later-
the past three months had been incredible, in all sorts of ways.
I was filming every day, long hours, barely any sleep, and yet I wouldn't have it anyway.
the sleep that I managed to get was ruin by Holland. I couldn't stop thinking about her. I hadn't stopped loving her.
Filming ends in one week, that week can't come any sooner.
then Holland.
I need her.
--
Holland pov
I don't know what to say about these past two months, I had never felt so empty.
I had gotten so used to Sarah sleeping beside me.
Used to her being there, to hear her laugh and see her smile. I miss how she used to cling to me every morning.
I love her, there was no denying it.
Not all love stories are stories of love, I guess.... we were meant to be, just not meant to last.
Nothing I could do about it.
I find myself returning the Polaroids that we took. My eyes scan over her naked body, the body that I used to worship, the body that I long to touch and hold.
I don't know why I left, I though it was the right decision, not just for her but for me.
But we all make mistakes.
There were photos of her at the American Horror Story premiere about six weeks ago, and she sure looked happy. Her smile shined. It was the right decision, for her at least. And thats what matters..
her.
her happiness.
In all honesty I thought she would have come back for me.
"what are you thinking about babe?", spoke Eli
"nothing I'm just tired", I smiled softly, taking another sip of my wine
"why don't we go to bed?", he kissed me before taking me up to the bedroom
we climbed in, Eli instantly taking me into his arms
"I love you darling", Eli spoke kissing me again
"me too", I whispered shyly
