"um, no that's not me", I tossed it into his hand before turning around and going back home. walking to the mail room, into which I never went into, fetching the paper before running upstairs, I quickly hearing the phone ring as soon as I entered the house
'Hi Sarah, I think we need to talk', I huffed into the line
'what is it, is something wrong?', Sarah stuttered the last words
'have you seen the paper today?'
'no', she replied but her voice sounded uneasy
'there is pictures of us saying goodbye when you left, I'm kissing your forehead and one of us hugging, it talks about whether I am your mother or your lover.. it's, I don't know', I shook my head in defeat.. not that she could tell
'yeah the tabloids are shit, I wouldn't worry about it honey', she spoke optimistically
'well I do worry about it', I said, my tone lacing with annoyance
'why?'
'because I start my at Columbia tomorrow and I can't be in the paper', i took a deep breath
'well I don't know what to say, this is kind of part of the job' I could just sense the shrug through the phone
'yeah but it's not my job, I don't want the whole world to know me, I don't want to be in the papers'
'I'm not sure what you want me to do? we are together you're going to be photographed, I can't stop that, what about when we go to events and stuff?'
'I just assumed that you wouldn't take me', I spoke lowly
'who else would I take?', Sarah whispered
'I didn't think I would be involved in this part of your life'
'you gave me this part of my life.... talk to me'
'I don't want to talked about or photographed', I mumbled
'what are you trying to say?', her voice quivered
I took a few deep breathes, I can't leave her again, I don't want to
'it just means I'll have to be more careful I guess'
'what about when we go for walks around the streets or for dinner?'
'listen it's late, why don't we talk about this another time?', I stumbled changing the subject
'I'm sorry that I hung up on you today, happy ten months baby', she giggled
'happy ten months my Angel', I smiled, butterflies entering me with no warning
--
"Ms.Taylor could you come into my office for a moment?", The Dean Andrew asked as he popped his head into my office where I was setting up before my first class
"what can I help you with sir?", I smiled sitting down
"I was reading the paper yesterday and saw you on page six", he began while getting the paper out of his draw
"yeah I know, it was quite I shock", I laughed awkwardly
"So, Sarah Paulson? my kids love her", he nodded
"yeah, she's very talented", I agreed nervously
"I hope you don't mind me asking.. are you her mother, or are you two together?", he relaxed back into his chair
"would I be fired if we were together?", I mumbled
"no you wouldn't", he smiled
"she's my partner", I spoke reverting my gaze
"I do think that many students will ask questions, personal ones even, you will probably be the most popular professor here", he chuckled lightly "we think that you are an excellent addition to Columbia, we are just concerned on how you may feel and cope if some students are only interested in you because of Sarah.... have you thought about that?"
"I love her, so I don't think I have much choice but to accept it", I shrugged but inside I was hurt "but I hadn't thought about it until yesterday"
"listen it was one paper, who knows if it will become that grand, just know that we are here for support if there is any appropriate behaviour from any students"
"thank you", I spoke calmly
--
I love Sarah, of course I do, she is my whole world, the centre of my life.
I will do anything for her, but my job, my work is what keeps me alive.
teaching is my freedom.
I want to be taken seriously and teach to student who want to learn.
I knew that Sarah would be in the public eye and that I may be know in some way.. I accepted that.... I didn't realise how many aspects of my life Sarah would be taking over until now.
I feel as though I have been blind because of how proud I am of her, and the intensity of my love for her.
in some way I want her to take over every part of my life.. in another I want my solitude protected.
--
'so how was your first day?'
'yeah good, I had only two lectures, I was getting a few weird looks and whispers, I didn't know that young people still read the paper', I laughed
'it was in a couple of magazines too, I saw them when Lilly and I went for a walk after filming', she said, but there was caution in her voice
'oh well that explains it then', I swallowed feeling sick at the thought of pictures of me floating around
'I'm sorry', she quivered
'this is not your fault darling.. okay?', I spoke strictly
'okay', she mumbled
'I love you'
'I love you more than anything holland'
I know this is again a short chapter, butt it's fucking hard when they're in different places
if you ever have any suggestions for this book I would love to know, I love all your ideas!
love you all
