both of our eyes kept alternating between each others stares and lips.
"Sarah", holland breathed
"yes?", I whispered
"have a good sleep", she responded, closing her eyes before letting go of my waist
"you too", I said weakly
I got undressed, hanging it up, before crawling into bed
'stupid girl' I kept repeating to myself over and over in my head, as I began to cry
'why did I touch her like that, what is wrong with me'
--
I couldn't sleep that night, after a restless sleep the sun began to rise, though it was still dark outside. I decided to go and walk the streets while no one was there.
I was so confused about everything. No one had ever made me feel the way that holland had. She makes me feel seen. This is unlike any other friendship that I have ever experienced. My relationship with Amanda is so different. I shouldn't have touched her face.
I got back to the hotel around nine, as soon as I closed the door, holland rushed in
"where the fuck have you been?", she screamed
"I went for a walk", I answered rather fearfully
"Sarah, you can't just leave without telling me. what if you had got hurt, or lost! you don't know you're away around these streets, there are bad people out there!", the anger in her voice becoming more prominent as she spoke
"I'm sorry", I quivered looking down
"I'm responsible for you okay!, you can't just leave"
"I'm sorry", I fought back "I didn't think you would make such a big deal over this", I protested
"just don't do it again", she spoke wickedly before slamming the door behind her
the bang of the door echoed through the room, making my heart shatter, and tears fall.
there was nothing I hated more than being yelled at.
--
"Sarah, I have work to do", holland spoke distracted as I came through the door
"I got lunch", I walked over sitting on the other side of the table in her room "its Chinese", I smiled, but her head was still down
"I need to finish grading this", holland mumbled
"you need to eat", I took the pen out of her hand
"fine, but quickly", she said
"okay", I said passing her the food
"thank you", she spoke opening her chop-sticks
"I'm sorry, I left without permission", I apologised before eating
"I'm sorry for yelling", she said quietly, she almost seemed embarrassed
"no you had every right to get mad, I shouldn't have left. and you were right, I don't know my way around", I sympathised
"I just don't want you getting hurt", she explained
"I know", I nodded
"we have another party tomorrow night", Holland said after a few minutes of silence
"are you speaking again?", I asked, taking another bite
"I don't think so.... did you have fun last night?"
