"lets get you to bed, huh darling?", I kissed the side of her head, my arms around her waist as the elevator took us up
as soon as the doors opened I heard the phone ringing, I went ahead of Sarah to answer
"hello?"
"holland?", Sarahs voice wavered through heavy breaths
I looked over, my heart becoming heavy at the sight of blood running down my Sarahs leg as she held her dress up a little
"I'll have to call you back", I dropped the phone having no time to think about the placement one the device, rushing to Sarah "darling?", I cupped her cheeks while tears brimmed in her eyes
"the baby", she squeaked
"maybe you just bumped into something sharp on the way here", I knelt down pulling up the fabric of her dress
"the baby", she repeated
"maybe you cut yourself shaving", I panted, searching for any other reason for the blood
"holland its the baby", her hands found there way to my hair
"let's get you to the hospital", I stood up kissing her cheek
as I began to walk to the door Sarah gripped my wrist
"is there any use holland?", she sobbed
"of course there is. this could be something else darling, we don't know", I brought her into my arms with my words
"okay", she sniffled
"come on darling", I kissed her softly "happy thoughts remember?", and she nodded
"holland?"
"yes princess"
"can I change out of this dress?"
I smiled softly, taking her into the bedroom helping her to get changed
"I'm still bleeding", Sarah mumbled while pulling up her underwear
"do you want to use a pad maybe?"
she nodded.
"okay are you ready?", I took her hand and she agreed. "does it hurt sweetheart?", I asked once we were seated in the car
"no"
I didn't know what to say. what could I say?
--
"put on my coat darling?", I wrapped it around Sarahs shivering shoulders as we entered the hospital
"Sarah, Holland? what are you two doing here?" Erin asked spotting us on the way to emergency
"I'm bleeding Erin", Sarah swallowed
"okay", she nodded looking around "Lisa could you put Ms.Paulson here into a bed. I will meet you there honey, okay? just try to breathe", she squeezed Sarahs arm before walking off
"just sit here Miss", Lisa indicated wheel chair, beginning to wheel Sarah while I walked closely behind them
"it's going be okay darling", I squeezed Sarahs hand as she continued crying, trying to be strong for her- but all I wanted to do was cry
"promise?", she trembled
"I-"
"I'm so sorry about the wait ladies, lets see whats going on here", Erin remained enthusiastic
"holland I'm scared", Sarah whispered
"me too baby", I kissed her palm
"you took the pregnancy test this morning right?"
"yes"
"okay", Erin came over, placing the gel on Sarahs stomach before the scanner "don't be frightened by the silence, it's too early to hear the babys heartbeat anyway", Erin looked ver at the screen before clearing her throat "I'm just going to draw some blood okay?"
--
"I'll be back soon", Erin smiled before leaving the room
"holland we've lost the baby", Sarah spoke calmer now
"honey we don't know that", I reassured myself more than her
"don't we?", her head tilted to the side, her sad, tired eyes looking deep into mine
"well if that's the case, we will try again okay sweetheart"
"you still want to?"
"I want to have a baby with you Sarah. More than anything. This isn't the end", I broke finally letting my tears fall
"you promise?", she sniffled
"I promise", I leant in, our salty tears mixing into the kiss
the next twenty minutes felt like an eternity before Erin entered the room again
"I am so sorry-"
--
"Lets get you changed darling", I spoke softly, a broken Sarah trailing behind me
Sarah collapsed onto the edge of the bed while I removed her clothes carefully, placing on a new pair of underwear with a pad
"there you go sweetheart", I kissed her forehead, covering her in the blanket
"holland?"
"hmm?", I turned back
"I'm sorry" she cried
"don't you dare be sorry my angel", I knelt down next to her running my fingers through her hair "this isn't your fault"
"but I couldn't give you a baby"
"you will. We will try again, and again if we have to"
"what if it doesn't work?"
"what happened to those happy thoughts hey?"
I quickly got changed before holding Sarah tightly from behind, her unending sobs making my heart fall
"oh darling what can I do?", I kissed her shoulder
"I want Amanda", she whispered
okay
short chapter I know
HOPE YOU ALL HAD A GREAT CHRISTMAS AND New Years!!!
