1. Memories, For, When I Am. (Being edited 2024)

About (Forward)

For  my friends, the ones who save me.

So let's get this out of the way shall we dearies? Hello deary, my name is Alicsesther (Alice+Esther) Iluna Ilvira Sophia-cie Aulcaster or just Alice.  I am a free, relatively happy, super gay trans woman currently about to finish high school and then go be free in the world. And that's pronounced Sophia C-H-I Yule-custer or Ool-caster, pick one friend.

I decided to write Memories, as I like to abbreviate the entire title to, back around late 7th grade because I was picking up writing as a once failed but now very lovely habit and hobby once I got the hang of it. That's half of the truth. This is my story of fear, loathing, love, happiness, and self acceptance from the inside out.

I'm not as privileged, emotionally sound, physically inclined, or mathematically skilled as most people. I'm just a small girl in a small world that occasionally has nothing to want to do with her. This, I've come to see as my journey, and just like the rest of people like me, I too have my own journey and my own story. I don't care for fame or glory or wealth, all I ask for is to be shown that I am love and willingly I should help others love love.

I'm writing this to show that I am a person. A person who knows pain of her own doings against herself trying to be a girl pretending to be something she is not for the rest of the world as not to let them judge her. My friends, the close few that I have, are as true to family as I can get. I'm told I'm a problem at home between being a woman on the inside and soon the outside, and doing things someone who birthed me deems unworthy. My mother is the Earth, daughter of the universe, not someone who causes me harm. Never someone who causes me harm. I've always sort of had it rough in the places I have lived with this person. Physical and mental strain were always common.

I'm writing this as something to leave behind for someone else to pick up and learn from, whether you're transgender or cisgender or don't feel like anything. Everyone feels, everyone laughs, everyone is alive for the most part. All we want is love and happiness, those of us who learn to not be greedy. Life is hard, but maybe there is something you can learn from me and my ramblings often written early into the next morning.

Everything in here is important to me, even if it's just something that seems like a short rambling. Look at the title of this book, it will help you understand why maybe sometimes I talk about hunger or something I do or how I feel etc. It's a collection of things that happen to me and sometimes people close to me as I continue on this journey in life.

This is my journey of learning to love myself, to put all if not most of my faith in me that soon I can be OK like every other person born on this Earth. I'll die one day but I want these memories to live on as they were and are for and to me, and hopefully one day I'll sit down and read this to my children to show them how far their mother has come and how far they can learn to will themselves to go despite anything stopping them.

These are my memories. every pain, every laugh, Every friend, everything I was, everything I am, and all of the ones I love. Everyone of the things that, when I'm gone, I will never forget. Follow me, join me. 

When I am through I will know what it means to be relatively happy.

I thank you for your time and I hope you have a wonderful time enjoying and appreciating the experiences through my writing I can help give to you all.

♥Love from the author,
Alicsesther Sophia-cie Aulcaster

Don't forget that you are deserving of love and kindness.