1. Memories, For, When I Am. (Being edited 2024)

Convergence

 I remember when I was younger
how now, time seemed and seems to
stand still,
fate was never calling
and
life was never chasing or trailing slowly behind.
I always thought I knew what I wanted
at least for some years or so,
but what are you to do while you sleep
and your time flashes in your eyes,
heart beating still and slow in the darkness?
you.
do.
nothing.
you try to let it run its course but
even so you'll never escape
no matter how you persist or how hard you try....
that is what you do.

I have my options,
I have my reasons,
I have my paths to success,
but I'm being told otherwise, that
I am very much rendered incapable of
going any further with any plan or plans I've come to know
if I don't wait and listen like a good little boy.

I've never understood the reasoning of making
good or bad choices since the fact is in all actuality
you set where you lead in the end,
not what you lead to get you there.
when I was younger,
I was so decisive that everything unfolds
after it's seen,
but things aren't that like that,
it's not quite that simple in the sandbox of life,
but when you're a child life is simplistic and optimistic
even if sometimes it's saddening.

let's talk about achieving and success shall we?
ha! that's a joke that sometimes I used to scoff and laugh at!
I was so confident in what I thought I could do and be,
but it's not easy when things are constantly changing
because they can't spare time to wait up for you......
I have some paths.
they sound so simple.
so.
simple.
at least I was convinced until I was told otherwise.

you never know how self aware you are
until your life and it's actions along with their buddy fate
start talking to you through verbal proxy,
yes call me crazy,
go ahead I'm used to it,
people have done it before and it spirals me down.
it wants me to know that I haven't learned enough
that I have to make a better effort in things
it's never too late I guess.....

every time it's directed at me,
because I always have one ear open and one eye listening.
nothing is simple,
nothing is ever simple.
because things are changing around me
and something wants me to catch up
and if I don't I'll slip and fall,
tripping all over myself trying harder and harder
to walk back down the road I want.

I remember, when I was younger
how now, time stands still.
always waiting,
always watching,
as I am reaching a convergence of paths.

I am walking down the road of the rest of life.