1. Memories, For, When I Am. (Being edited 2024)

Fragile </3

It's happening again...

sadly I can only just let

it run its course

because the more I resist it

the harder release is going

to stubbornly well itself up

inside,

the more I'll want to just give up,

but I keep fighting to let it go,

I want

more than anything

just for myself,

1 selfish wish,

I want,

I want to cry.

I had my first if not ever panic attack

this year....

yeah I broke down like a wounded

warrior.... blood and flesh and guts mutilated.....

my heart's a battle field, indeed,

I didn't like the hours it took to come and calm down,

and now they're a part of me....

I didn't want, not in the slightest,

I've known for a while to expect these falling outs 

I'm used to suffering and breaking.

If I don't love you

I'm not honest, though

I'm honest with strangers

and I'm honest with my lover

because she gives me everything

to hope for when I'm broken,

hiding behind a face to protect

myself from others because

I'm frill and shy,

my words never come out right....

over text and verbally I'm just a big

mess always just dabbling in

what the context of the words I've

told mean to someone else without

a clue,

and then I get hurt because

upsetting the people I love accidentally,

will risk me everything.

I'm not stable enough....

I wish I was,

I've never known anything else

besides faltering like after

an earthquake.

I anger easily,

maybe because it's the only

working defense mechanism I

have that doesn't fail me

like these arms and legs, and

mind have once upon a time,

because once upon a time, I think,

maybe I was stable enough

to just take the "hush child",