1. Memories, For, When I Am. (Being edited 2024)

Empty Inside

On long days in winter, I often find myself
like the Idols upon my shelves, peering out of
the windows wondering why it's dark in the far corners
of my mind, and in the recesses of my heart,
and I toil away at the thought till days end.

Though I am not through yet, I wonder "should I stop
myself from willingly offering up bits and pieces of my soul?"
For without it are nothing but empty husks and cold moist shells
waiting to be filled with a purpose of existence while lying on the oceans' beds of sand.

I can't help but let everyone and everything into my heart,
but I believe I haven't the choice of saying how I feel about this,
lest they peer into the darkness I tend to harbour inside,
but I still have the duty and pleasure of greeting them with
open arms, a kind heart, and a caring where there might not be one,
as I surround them with my woodland aura.
But as I do this I shouldn't bring forth but instead lay to rest
my inner being.

As of late I am now one and no longer many, to accomplish that again...
I would have to seek out the pain and sorrow that is inside in the cold,
damp, dark corners of my heart and mind and soul.
But I am not yet truly empty inside, so I fear for what any god or self proclaimed divinities
know I have have.
And so if it is taken from me or I am to give it to a dying love so that it may become immortal,
then I and only then will I adhere to this calling.

Now, I am to gather what I know and have learned, and perceive reality as
I fear and hate it most.
at its worst it will consume me, and yet I seek to touch the hearts of those around me
and formally, so be it, all walks of life.
For the things I have touched and have become mine, as they all radiate my essence
and soon like like pieces to a puzzle, radiate their own.

If in any way,
you are hurting, if you are dying, losing your way, or dying don like a flame,
I'll dim the night around us as fate hangs grim on my shoulders,
because I long as I can help, as long as you are saved, then I can matter to myself, and fate,
along that point, she shall never find you under the light of my shadow.

I fear to feel as if I'm no longer something inside, but that of the likes of emptyness
has taken its place and filled me up, and, is now my lonely.
And then, even then, I'll dance slowly in the darkness of an empty room
of a shell where my heart used to be and met my soul, blood pours from the corners ceiling
and walls and floorboards of a life who's room was once mine,
was once my greatest design and construction.

I revolve around this thought and I constantly faulted and weep bowed at the feet of my angel
who reassures me under her grace shall never happen, so I rid myself of these thoughts
and set fire to what I once knew as my serenity and serene grace.
I break my ties to what horrifying reality I live and keep giving a little more and none less
than what I have to, for if I fail to comply i'll kiss my life goodbye
as every good deed I do is another life saved thus preventing me from stepping out
of the boundaries of my angel and leaving another one dead.
Letting the pieces of my soul that I have find places and niches of their own.

The act and event of this shall leave me forever empty inside
and the shell of what once was that I wish not to seek.
So I call to nature and walk through amber tinted undergrowth and trees hoping
what was once lost in childhood shall come back to me,
like the light in the darkness of night shining over you,
it becomes your safety.

Become empty.
stay empty.
remain empty.
but still give a little to lay waste to the demons inside that seek you.

hope.