1. Memories, For, When I Am. (Being edited 2024)

Choices

A lie
is
not knowing
although as it seems
when you meet the ends,
the means and reasonings
are clear.

I've decided things
many times,
sometimes they backfire,
though it's easily fixed,
mhmm, easily so.

I've done weird things,
I've done wrong things,
I've done anxiety's bidding,
but I'm still good and ok,
I survive
these things
despite reasoning.

you should know me
by now,
Ha, ya fourth wall I know!

but really even so
I've chosen to
write to paper how,
genuinely no one will ever
see or know, except those
close to me,
They alone know the pain
that comes from my indecisive
deciding,
they got dragged into it
for better or worse,
for better or worse.....

I chose to be without
a god who failed me
even then because I
was fed up with all the
no answer,
no answer,
"please hold, and the deity you
have dialed is currently unavailable
leave a message or call back later,
777-333-I,GOD",
he's there I know, but I haven't amounted yet.

I chose to become selfless,
the more I help the more
they live and pay back in time
" yes let me carry those"'
"yes I'm free today",
" here, sit, I don't need to",
and "take this because
I love you"
those lines never are
they said, but my gestures
and posture exert them,
its only fair when there
is love in war,
prosperity in peace,
brothers, sisters, mothers, and lover,
all walking along.

I'm a writer because
no one wanted to listen...
actually I had no one
and so it's unfolded all
this spewing and reminiscencing
of when I was younger,
hopefully this pays off on its own.

I stole to gain attention
I bike to runaway,
I love her because that's my home and soul,
I accept them as my family,
I love like no tomorrow,
I rise with the rain,
I'm a giver not a getter if which are most men,
I'm not a man as I hate gender pools,
I wished
and wish
and wished
and wish
that when I decided
these things,
and now that I have
I'm better than what
I could have been,
amounting to nothing,

These are
my defining
choices as the Fire.