1. Memories, For, When I Am. (Being edited 2024)

Misfit

(note: I'm not struggling with my gender anymore, just the reflection in the mirror and whether or not it's worth changing and I know deep down it is.)

Hey, it's me.

Let's talk? please?

It doesn't have to be long,

We're all busy in this world of people

and bodies,

this world of people that are bodies,

this world of bodies that are people,

this world...

of people inside bodies,

seen from the outside in, rather than

seen from the inside out,

after-outlasting and superseding themselves on what they are,

who they believe, how they wake, how they sleep, how they dream.

I'm another person, seen as a body, from the OUTSIDE IN,

not to everyone, but to some, to most, who unfortunately doubt me,

this is a handful of times I've already said I'm different,

this is a handful of times thinking about decisions

makes me re-look my life...

I'm afraid.

I'm always such a scared little girl,

I'm human, but just barely,

I can't help wanting to BE love, not loved.

Girl, I'm using that gender word more often,

I wish you could know, I wish so strongly you could know,

that I am misfit in this world, in this body underneath its skin, a free radical in the dream called life,

the shortest dream that if we blink it's gone to be recast

in a different skin whose muscles califact at the notion

of being different,

reprimanding the person, who is the soul, from the inside out.

Why can't people just be people and be who or what they want?

Why does it have to be more than this?

Why does someone have to think something is wrong?

Even though in reality something is wrong... just given the wrong reason.

How are you feeling?

I hope you're well,

I just want you to know at the moment I'm relatively unhappy.

I hope you can accomplish the things you love,

I can't yet...

I'm upset, that, for so long,

I, whatever part of me that was that went extinct,

was hiding me from it,